Darlin’, I’ve heard this story time and time again: he cheats. You break up with him. He realizes he made the biggest mistake of his life and comes back begging for your forgiveness.
Has this happened to you? It happened to me, and it’s happened to many of my clients!
After my ex-husband cheated on me, he knocked on my front door 8 months later to see if I was interested in getting back together.
At the time I was surprised, but now I can see what happened. As I rebuilt my life and began moving on – meaning dating and doing the things that made me feel happy and grateful and vibrant, he was attracted to the energy.
He wanted me back.
I chose to say “no”, but there’s nothing wrong with saying “yes” to the right situation.
Some partnerships last years after an infidelity when both parties are interested in repairing the relationship (just look at Bill and Hillary Clinton, who have stayed married almost two decades after a very public and embarrassing infidelity scandal).
If you’re faced with an ex-partner coming back into your life, the best thing you can do for yourself is really trust your gut, be crystal clear on what you want, and stand strong in your truth. Stay committed to staying in integrity with yourself. Here are 3 questions to ask yourself if you’re in this situation:
1. Do I really think we can work things out, or am I just afraid to be on my own? This is where honesty is a must! If you are going to make a go of things you’ll want to come to the table with a clean heart.
2. Does he genuinely seem willing to do what it takes to move through this challenging period? What is he willing to do to make amends and help you feel safe again?
3. Am I willing to work through the emotions of jealousy, betrayal and trust and find forgiveness in my heart? In other words are you willing to heal and let go of some of your old stories and clear cobwebs from the past? Are you willing with time to open your heart again?
This is a very personal decision and each situation is unique. If you decide to take him back don’t think things will magically change on their own. The key is to put some solid new structures in place that will help you and your relationship heal and evolve in a healthy way. Reflect on what went wrong with curiosity and assess what new skill sets, behaviors and/or coaching you will both need to get through this tough time.
Whatever you choose, sweetness, I am here for you. Click HERE to set up a time to speak with me over the phone.
Hi Sherri! You probably thought I dropped off the face if the earth! Firstly I would send my condolences on the loss of your father. Now in spirit, may he be closer to you than ever.
I am still learning to love and value myself. I have to say, I seem to be succeeding. I feel happy and grounded most of the time, and have many tools to use when my emotions come knocking. I am grateful for many gifts, opportunities and syncronicities from the Universe. I thank you for the great start you provided me. I did hear your voicemail in the Fall.
Jim is still moved out, there seems to be less tension between us, which is progress. He is coming around a bit more as our son has left university and moved home for the year due to a lingering concussion he received last May. So I am teaching Adam a lot of what I have learned on my journey to self love. He is a great student and teaches me as well.
Your newsletter today really grabbed my attention. I am currently taking the Queens Code course with Alison Armsrtong. I know you endorse her. So I am learning more ways to connect.
Hope all is well with you !
Sue, it is so nice to hear from you and thank you for your kind words about my father. Losing a parent is inevitable of course… but boy! That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.
I applaud you for continuing your excellent work toward self-love. How lucky is Adam that he gets to be part of your journey? It is always so rewarding to learn and grow alongside someone else who you care for deeply.
Keep up your incredible work, Sue! Enjoy your time with Alison as well. I can’t wait to see what 2016 has in store for you.