Summer is here, which means it’s time to come out of hibernation and stand in the dazzling light of day! In my last post, Self-Love Tips for an Incredible Summer [Insert Link will do once complete], we learned some great tools to deepen acceptance around our bodies so that we can stand in our sparkling brilliance all season long. But for many of us, our bodies aren’t all that we’ve been hiding.
So many women are struggling to connect with the people in their lives, or they want to take their closest relationships deeper but don’t know where to begin. Great relationships are all about connection. The key to connection is allowing others to feel us. This means speaking straight from your heart, being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be truly known.
For competent women who are used to being in charge and in control, opening up like this can be very scary. We get so attached to the potential outcome and worry that by expressing our fears, needs, desires, and yes, even our love to another person, they will judge us, abandon us, stop loving us or think we are weak.
So, what do we do?
We attempt to control the outcome – we control what we say and how we say it, we do our best to be perfect, often hiding what we really want to say. In our attempt to orchestrate the best outcome – we not only monitor what we say, we often try to control others in the process. That rarely turns out the way we want because we are speaking from our heads instead of our hearts. When we do that, the other person can’t FEEL us and when someone can’t feel you they generally tune out or turn off! The exact opposite of what we are looking to create; deeply bonded relationships.
You Have to Feel Safe to be Vulnerable
Expressing yourself to others can be challenging at first, but with a little practice, it becomes easier. One of my clients, I’ll call Carol, had a lot of fear around opening up in her relationships, so I encouraged her to pick someone who was easy to be around, a person who she already felt safe with, and start with them.
For Carol, this person was her four-year-old grandson. It was easy for her to wrap her arms around him, gobble him up and tell him know how much she loves him. If it feels too scary to do this with a person at first, try it with a beloved pet. The goal isn’t to get a reaction, it’s just to say the words that normally get stuck in your throat.
Once my client felt comfortable expressing herself to her grandson, her next step was to share her feelings with her father. They had been at odds with each other when she was a kid, but as adults, things had shifted between them. She’d always wanted to express her appreciation and love to him, but until this point, she’d been hesitant and nervous to do so.
After a visit where she shared her heartfelt feelings Carol told me she felt light and wonderful. Her father called her when she got home and told her how much it meant to him. He even told her that he loved her, which was something he’d never done before. Carol felt a closeness like never before – she was thrilled and proud of her courage to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability is a Strength, Not a Weakness
When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you free other people up to be vulnerable as well. For my client, she not only deepened the relationship with her father but Carol was able to bring her increased strength into a new romantic relationship – she now had the confidence to share things she would have kept hidden with a sense of ease and clarity.
Remember, you don’t have to be good at this immediately. Start by expressing yourself to someone who you know won’t judge you or be reactive. As you build your confidence, you’ll find that it becomes easier to reveal yourself, and your truth, and deepen intimacy in all of your meaningful relationships!
PS. If you would like to open your heart and be free to share your love in a way that creates meaningful relationships Soul Sparkle Retreat would be life changing for you. It’s not just the week-end, it’s what happens afterwards that changes your life completely:).
Simply click here to sign up to speak with me to see if this retreat is a good fit for you. If you are ready to heal and open your heart book a time to chat with me – this is your moment, it will be another year till the next retreat. Give yourself the gift of living with FULL SPARKLE NOW!