How to create more confidence

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“You can never out-perform your self image.” Maxwell Maltz
That quote is from a book called The Magic Power of Self-Image Psychology  that made a huge difference for me in crafting who I wanted to be after finding out my husband cheated.

Lovey, we will always live up to our self-image, whether it’s a strong, secure one or whether it’s a doubtful, frightened one.

But the cool thing is that you can create a new self-image if you want to. And this becomes particularly important when you’re dealing with an infidelity in your partnership – feeling like you are not enough, or that you’ve done something wrong or that you are fundamentally flawed or cursed.

You have the power to change the story as it’s unfolding.Right now. In this very moment! And most importantly the second you change the story it affects and impacts your whole life in a very positive way. Yaayaaayaaah!
It’s all inside of you. Your self-image is your own idea of the type of person you are. It encompasses your past, your successes, your failures, embarrassing moments, victories and how others react to you ( especially in your younger years). From all of this you create a picture of yourself that you believe is true. You act as though it’s true. For all intents and purposes it’s true for you.  But the reality is in most cases it’s false.
The fantastic truth is, as I mentioned earlier, YOU have the power to change that story and self-image!

When I found out about my husband’s cheating, I thought, “Okay, Sherri, this is an opportunity for growth. You’ve lost touch with yourself, you aren’t really sure who you are anymore – take this time to discover who you want to be? What are the traits of the woman you want to become? How do you want to show up- not only in your relationship, but in the world?

These are key questions to ask yourself – because if you don’t have a clear idea of who you want to be, how do you know how to move into it?

It was kind of exciting! I felt energized by the idea that I could choose to be something other than a victim – talk about empowering! Not too long after I posed that question, I was going through a fashion magazine and I saw an ad for the most stunning pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes I had ever seen.I thought to myself, “This shoe embodies everything that I want to be as a woman.” They were classy, exciting, fun, sexy and feminine. I had to have them!Turns out, these shoes were only sold at Bergdorf’s in New York, and they cost a fortune. Back then, they ran somewhere around $1,000 and that was over a decade ago!But I had to have them. On a business trip to New York, I marched right into the store and bought them. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. You see that purchase made me feel like I had put a stake in the ground, declaring to God/The Universe that I, Sherri Nickols, was stepping into a brand new me/life. It was beyond symbolic – in that moment I was transformed.I remember taking them to a friend’s house to celebrate. We turned on some tunes, reverently placed the shoes on an alter, and danced the night away. It was divine!I still have the shoes, to this day. And it was one of the best purchases I’ve ever made.Sister, what is it that could make your heart sing right now? Is it a $1000 pair of shoes that you would never dream of buying yourself? Is it a road trip with your girlfriends to vino-land? Is it a night of dancing on the town? Is it a soul nourishing spa day? Whatever it is I invite you to (as Nike says) Just DO IT!!!!!Most importantly: who do you want to be, and what steps could you take today to get you closer to the magnificent woman that is buried inside? It’s time to dig and discover and create the self-image that will allow you to shine!

Drop me a line HERE to share who you’re growing into. I want to hear about your unique journey toward self-discovery and empowerment after infidelity.


  1. I left a man that I thought was my soulmate. I feel like he would be the person I was been the rest of my life with. We were together five years and I left him several times before I finally ended last month. I realize very important lesson the moment I felt I deserved to be treated like a queen I felt like a queen. That was such a powerful moment for me especially since I’m not in a relationship now because I don’t want one but because the relationship I’m having with myself right now is the most important one. I’m realizing how much I love myself and ended to be alone for a while just to pamper and appreciate who I am as a woman. I like your post thank you

    1. Mary,
      Wow!!!! What a powerful and deeply connected realization! I’m so happy that you were able to settle into this place of self-love; it can be difficult to actually recognize what we truly need.

      The best part about realizing that you may need some time alone is also realizing that whatever your life looks like at this very moment is only temporary. Life is constantly changing, and when you’re willing to give yourself love and time, it’s usually changing for the better.

      Sparkle on, sister!

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