Years ago when I discovered that my husband was cheating on me, I did what a lot of women do: I blamed myself.
Questions ran through my head, like, “What did I do wrong? Am I not smart/attractive or fun enough? How did I lose his attention?” You see, I thought I was doing everything right.
Can you relate to that?
When I got married, I remember thinking, “If someone cheats on me, that’s it. I’m outta there! I’m not putting up with it.”
Well, that went out the window!
When I discovered that he had been cheating, the feeling that washed through me was, “I’m not enough.” If you’ve ever felt that, you know how awful it is.
From the place of not being enough, I felt desperate. I did everything I could to try and save my marriage: I begged, I groveled, I asked him to go to counseling and I even called the other woman to ask her to leave.
But you see, Sparkle Sister, he was just done. For him, the marriage was over, and I couldn’t see it. But I knew from the deepest part of my soul that I had to accept it – as much as I didn’t want to…and move on.
Wherever you are on your journey, the most important thing you can do is honor yourself. It’s hard – I know. Give yourself as much love as you can. Make the phrase “Self-Care” become your new mantra (one of my clients uses this and says it stops her in her tracks when she’s going down the rabbit hole and helps her refocus, bringing her back to her center).
Some other suggestions for loving yourself include:
a. Take a walk on the beach and let the fresh air clear the cobwebs – giving you a new perspective.
b. Have a glass of your favorite wine with a wonderful friend – connecting and sharing gets your oxytocin flowing – this is your “feel good” hormone and brings a feeling of being wrapped in love.
c. Write yourself a love letter and gush about all the ways you are lovable. If you have trouble with this, ask family or a good friend to tell you what they love about you and stay focused on this!
d. Hire a coach and create a new vision for your life, identify and reframe limiting beliefs and/or patterns so that you can move forward with confidence knowing that you have healed and have the tools to attract and create a healthier, more deeply connected loving relationship.
You deserve it, beautiful.
And you also deserve to give yourself the gift of acceptance. If he’s done, take a deep breath, and find a way to move on.
If you need some help with that process, I’m here for you. Click HERE to connect with me personally. I’ve been there, sister, and you’re not alone.