It’s become an epidemic. Women losing themselves in relationship. Why?
Along those lines, I recently sent out a survey (many thanks to those of you who completed it!) and here is the #1 thing you all overwhelmingly said you wanted:
* A loving trusting relationship. Fantastic! But here’s the deal – in order to have a loving trusting relationship you need to FIRST have one with yourself!
Here’s the #1 challenge you shared:
*To find the right man…not surprising because you’ve got to BE the RIGHT woman to attract or recognize the right man.
What does that mean? Simply, that you love yourself, trust your decisions and choices and know yourself.
The truth is, staying connected to your gorgeous sparkle or “fun-ESS-ence” as my new SPARKLE 2 gals describe it, needs to become a daily habit.
Don’t lose yourself in love, watch this video.
P.S. - I have a few spots left in our SPARKLE 2 program. If you want my help finding your “fun-ESS-ence, and making your happiness this year a priority, book time now to speak with me.
Many of you struggle, as I do from time to time, to make healthy choices so I decided to dedicate this week’s article around the feelings that can get in your way when you’re trying too hard to put others first. Read, release and rejoice!!!
Do you find yourself constantly busy for everyone but yourself and then feeling consumed by guilt when you decide to set limits around your availability or what you’re willing to do for others in order to take some time for you? Do you label yourself as “selfish” when you want to do something for yourself or even by yourself? Do you ever feel ashamed because there are times you don’t want to do anything for anybody else?
These questions may feel a bit uncomfortable (maybe even silly), but really think about this for a moment. How often do you do something for or with others because it just doesn’t feel right to focus on yourself? If you really delve deeper, I bet you’ll uncover these exact beliefs and feelings (or something very close) at the root of your actions or inaction.
These three culprits are notorious for hi-jacking us from taking care of ourselves:
These feelings can cause us to “dim” our inner light and keep us from being the sparkling diamonds we’re meant to be. Yet, our beautiful, brilliant, multi-faceted radiance cannot shine if we don’t take some time to polish and buff. Just like a diamond, we need self-care in order to really glitter and glow.
Read the full article here to more fully understand these conceptions and how they keep you from releasing your inner beauty.
Simple Touch Techniques Can Create Fireworks!
Touching is a powerful and sacred action. It opens the gateway to intimacy, creating presence and connection.
Don’t get me wrong; women love to hear the words, “I love you”, but touching launches relationships into intimacy by directly accessing the emotional self. Words are processed in the thinking part of the brain, while touch is processed by the emotional centers.
Endorphines, released by touching your lover or your own beautiful body, flow through the body creating a sense of caring and pleasure while calming daily stress.
Moreover, touch is paramount to love. It engages the senses God gave us for our emotional and physical well-being and pleasure, and is a powerful way to express what we cannot say. Yet still, we are a touch-starved society.
A worldwide study done in the 1960s monitored the number of touches couples shared at coffeehouses around the world. The results reveal the drastic cultural differences we apply to skin-on-skin contact. Puerto Ricans got the prize-touching 180 times an hour, while Americans adhered to a strict diet touching only twice within an hour.
Thus began some serious research on the importance of touch, leading to the discovery that the amount of skin-to-skin contact in our lives plays a crucial role in our happiness and vitality. The act of touching influences our ability to form close relationships with other people, to deal with stress and pain, and even to fight off disease. The hunger for touch may manifest as depression, anxiety, irritability, boredom, pain, moodiness as well as make you feel isolated, separate and lonely.
So many women complain that their relationships lack intimacy-much of it arguably because of our touch barriers. We are born with an intense hunger for contact. The emotional development of babies depends on tons of touching and as adults we have a strong need to be held in someone’s arms, to hold hands, to be cuddled and caressed. Yet, most people don’t touch as often as they would like-afraid of being rejected as being needy or vulnerable, they cover their need for intimacy with work, activities, TV, food, drugs and alcohol.
If you want intimacy, it’s time to break the touch barriers! And the first step to developing a successful, intimate relationship with your partner is to first build intimacy with yourself. Exploring every inch of your body will help you get to know what you like and what makes you feel good. Once you’ve got this down, you can reach out to your partner with confidence to create the closeness you crave.
With all these fantastic reasons to bring touch into relationships let’s take a look at 7 ways you can incorporate touch into your life.
- Hugging: Full-body hugging increases closeness, connection and safety.
- Kissing: A 20-second kiss will raise his testosterone levels and make you feel closer.
- Back Rubs: Studies show that a daily back rub drastically reduces anxiety and creates positive changes in attitude.
- Moisturize head-to-toe: Applying lotion to your body guarantees that all of your skin will be touched and rubbed. For an added calming effect, use an aromatherapy lotion scented with lavender.
- Yoga: This popular fitness trend offers many of the benefits of touch because the poses involve rubbing limb against limb. Some Iyengar yoga classes also include a partnered practice-a great way to get your RDA of touching.
- Massage: The shoulders, hands and feet create an emotional release when touched. New York-based sex therapist Mildred Witkin suggests couples should practice touching in a way that is not explicitly sexual to keep intimacy and playfulness alive.
- Two to Tango: Dance classes are a great way to meet new people, and have your hand and waist held all evening long. Contact your local YMCA or dance studio for schedules.
Touching is your gateway to intimacy, providing a powerful, solid message of care, support, acknowledgment and love.
As life attempts to overwhelm us with obstacles great and small, it can feel like the world is coming down around us. Can you fill yourself up with your most loving, sensual, playful self when life is raining down havoc and mayhem? It’s ok, you can admit it, not many women do. Rather than learning to embrace all life has to offer, good or bad, with our fully awakened sensual, powerful, feminine selves, most of us are taught how to make other people happy, how to make money, how to sacrifice our needs and made to feel selfish if we want a more pleasurable life.
In truth you don’t have to change who you are to have what you want. Click here to read the full blog article and learn 7 tips that can help you awaken your inner, powerfully feminine, sparkling, sensual self. When you make a commitment to show up fully in this charismatic essence you will experience a much more love-filled, happy life!
I just experienced what I know will be that “life-defining” experience I talk about til the day I die. Spending a week in a post war country with people who don’t want a hand out, but just want that grace to give themselves and their children a fresh start, will change me forever.
I’ve made it a goal to give dreams back to 600 children living in Liberia, the country formed by freed slaves from North America. I’m CLOSE to reaching my goal along with 27 others who traveled with me from 7 countries to complete the building of the Becky School where these kids can get an education and rise again. And I need help to reach my goal and my commitment to this team and these children who have made me a more humble and purposeful person.
I invite you to just take a look at me and the team I traveled with THERE in the midst of it all. And if you’re inspired at all, and willing to help, please do. Watch these one minute videos:
… and please come along with me in making a difference for them. By doing so, you’ll be making a huge difference to ME.
If you find yourself frustrated and not making the changes you want to make in your health, relationships or career, you may have fallen victim to the most common road block to your dreams: distractions.
Take heart, it’s happened to even the most successful women!
In my coaching practice, I’ve found that every woman encounters distractions on the path to achieving their dreams. I find that what separates my clients who succeed from those who don’t get results is whether or not they are able to get back on track to regain their focus on the goal.
Since it’s inevitable that you’ll experience set backs in life, the most important factor is what you do next. Do you let the distraction take you completely off course or do refocus your efforts to re-embark on the road to success?
While many factors can cause our focus to stray, I’ve found a pattern with the 3 biggest dream destroyers. These main three MUST be overcome if you want to attain the fabulous life you deserve.
Any guess what they might be?
Here are the 3 Biggest Dream Distractors
1. Self Doubt
If your determination and motivation for achieving your dream have faded, you may be experiencing self doubt. We all have negative thoughts that crop up at times. However, if you’ve found yourself stuck in a rut; it could be that you believe these thoughts that limit your potential. What ends up happening is that your goals are left abandoned on the side of the road because you feel that there’s no point in trying.
The underlying assumption in these beliefs is that “If I didn’t have my particular limitations or the struggle, I would be successful.” In fact, the opposite is true: we become successful by taking action, in spite of our circumstances. Confidence and motivation comes from action, not the other way around.
What you tell yourself has a powerful effect on what you set out to do. Talking to yourself productively by releasing the guilt, shame and frustration from your mental chatter is a great base for clarifying and accomplishing your goals. And, you will find yourself less held back when it comes to taking action!
2. Comparison & Competition
Have you ever found yourself comparing yourself to another woman or someone else that you see as more successful?
We are all different, yet we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others. It’s human nature, and while learning from others is an important part of critical decision making, if it is used to reinforce an unrealistic or negative self-image it can be an unhealthy habit to get into.
Mark Twain said that “comparison is the death of joy,” and the science agrees. Research has found that comparing breeds feelings of envy, low self-confidence, and depression.
If comparing is how you evaluate your worth, you will always be losing. It’s impossible to reach a point where you are better than others in every way. And why would you want to be? Part of what makes life awesome and interesting is enjoying and learning from the talents of others. Instead of trying to be as good as or better than others, focus your energy on being the very best version of yourself.
Next time you catch yourself using someone else as a benchmark for your own worth stop and remind yourself how ineffective this strategy really is. Instead, compassionately redirect your energy and attention to your own goals and what is required to achieve them.
3. Loss of excitement, joy and passion
Most people want a life that’s meaningful and fulfilling. Once you endeavor to move toward that life, it’s exhilarating! However, high enthusiasm can be difficult to maintain. It’s not uncommon to lose your joy and excitement at some point along your journey.
To combat the doldrums, it’s important to stay connected to your dream.
Sometimes, the best way to stay focused is to remember why your dream is important to you. Staying focused on the “why” can help you accomplish almost anything because it puts you in a positive and motivated state of mind. This kind of focus helps you grab onto your goals with ferocity and move forward with confidence.
So there you have it, the 3 biggest dream distractors and ways you can avoid these pitfalls to keep your focus where it belongs: on creating your most fabulous life.
Here’s to staying on track on the path to your dream. You CAN do it! I believe in you.
One of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome my fears.
It’s something we all face at times. The key question is: how do you overcome that fear?
What I’ve discovered it that fear is overcome with self-confidence and healthy self-esteem. When you believe in yourself and love yourself there is a certain magic mojo that is created. Self-respect and confidence open up new doors and set a new trajectory for your life.
For me, developing my confidence is what helped me overcome my fear of failure, and finally pursue my dreams.
I still have that old fear crop up sometimes. But now I know that I can beat it, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the other side victorious and more confident for having had the courage to try.
I’ve practiced boosting my confidence to overcome fear many times over the years, and that success fuels further success. It’s something that I now teach my coaching clients; how to build confidence and create happiness one step at a time.
It is possible, and actually exhilarating, to take control of your life by taking control of your self-confidence. When you take actions that improve your competence and your self-image, you can increase your confidence and go forward with gusto. Yeah baby!
Read the full article here to discover 12 things that will help you instantly boost the confidence you need to move in the direction of your dreams. Self-confidence creates positive changes. Your dreams truly are attainable. By making one choice at a time, you can choose to experience all that you desire. The sky is the limit!
The path to love really begins inside. This Rumi quote describes it perfectly:
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi
We’ve all had experiences and situations in our lives that have in effect, forced us to build protective barriers to guard our hearts. When built, they may have served in protection, but the trick is to know when to allow your walls to collapse and let the old stories go. Once this happens, love pours in.
Too often, the lack of deep love in our lives comes from a lack of self-love and self-compassion. Many of our love barriers were created to protect ourselves from our own inner critic. Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves. When faced with our flaws the negative self chatter starts: “I’m not good enough. I’m worthless.”
And of course, the goalposts for what counts as “good enough” seem always to remain out of reach. No matter how well we do, someone else always seems to be doing it better. The result of this line of thinking is sobering: Millions of people suffer from insecurity, anxiety, and depression, and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t measuring up.
So what’s the answer? To stop judging and evaluating ourselves altogether. To stop trying to label ourselves as “good” or “bad” and simply accept ourselves with an open heart. To treat ourselves with the same kindness, caring, love and compassion we would show to a good friend.
The secret to feeling more love is to practice staying open to love.
Develop a compassionate heart for yourself and others. Buddhists talk a lot about the importance of compassion and having compassion for yourself is just as important as having compassion for others. From the Buddhist point of view, you have to care about yourself before you can really care about other people.
When you feel safe with yourself – knowing you are your own best-friend; others will be drawn to you with an open heart. The opportunities to both give and receive love will be abundant.
Love is one of those things that it’s so expansive and infinite in nature; we will never have “too much” of it. We can only acquire more. Which is kind of the whole point isn’t it? When we heal ourselves more and more we can receive all of life’s blessings and love.
So get in there, work it out. Remove any and all things that may be getting in the way of you experiencing MORE LOVE in your everyday life. I hope and wish for you the healing and the experiences for your container to hold this magnificent gift to grow and grow, and grow with each new day.
Every now and then something floors me – shocks me. Makes me think it’s high time this changes. That’s how I felt when I read these statistics the other day….
Did you know that 75% of women are experiencing chronic stress?
I also read that 1 in 4 women over 40 are on anti-depressants.
Whooooah – that’s a lot of emotional distress going on, robbing you of your happiness.
I say the time is NOW to change this! Don’t you agree?
Because the reality is, either you or a woman you know is:
- suffering from heart ache
Or maybe you or a woman you know has gone from high functioning to low functioning and feeling stuck and frustrated.
I know getting unstuck and creating happiness can seem elusive – and you can spin your wheels waiting for things to change. I also know that you deserve to sparkle and have a life you love.
These women felt just like you and made a decision to stop waiting and take action.
The best thing I’ve received from the program is working through my emotions -bouncing back to a peaceful state quickly, loving and respecting myself has become easier and a priority in my life! ~ G.H.
For the first time in I don’t know how long I feel free. I feel so free this moment, nothing is holding me back anymore and I feel so energized!! Its so easy now to shift back to my own calm and peaceful center – I now make myself a priority and say no to the things that I don’t want to do or don’t feel comfortable doing. Thank you Sherri Nickols and Sparkles for your support! ~C.S.
My greatest shift has been to finally realize that I am in control of my emotions. Before when I would start to get down, sometimes it was so hard to get out of the darkness, and trying to was painful. Using the tools on a consistent basis has really made a difference! ~ Gail D.
Here’s why I’m telling you this. These women made the choice to put themselves first so they could create a more joyful, fun-filled life.
So here’s what’s NEXT if you choose:
I just opened the doors to my SPARKLE 2 coaching program. If you are interested in feeling happy, gaining more emotional freedom and generally getting your life back on track then this would be a great next step for you.
and let’s see if the Sparkle 2 program fits your needs!
Well, I received this email from a client in my SPARKLE program and it reminded me how we are all just a commitment away from an easier life.
I know the coaching course just started but I felt that I needed to send this email to you to say thank you.
I have realized and learned so much about my behavior in relationship both with friends and boyfriends. I never thought that my mother’s death in cancer when I was 8 and growing up with my brother and father had so much impact on me. I now see why it’s been hard to let people close and why I have been so strongly in my masculine essence. This has been a milestone for me the past month.
I have also learned what I did wrong in my past relationship, so I followed my heart and intuition and sent an email to my ex explaining that I realized my mistake and that I take my part of the responsibility for the failure of our relationship. I now feel that the breakup is a blessing and it is one of the steps that led me to this course.
For a few weeks now that little nagging voice inside my head that always says “you’re not fit enough, look at that wrinkle, this is too hard for you” and so on, has now been silenced.
I used to say that I like myself, how awful is that?!?! I can now say that I LOVE myself 100%! I even had two guys checking me out today, I got so nervous I felt like I was 16 again!
I imagine my mother up in the clouds sitting there and cheering me on and saying “I am so happy for you, now it’s your time to live a full life of love and happiness!”
A thousand times thank you Sherri!! I am so grateful that you stepped into my life and I am so looking forward to the rest of the course! Thank you for being so encouraging and supportive to women! I wish you all the best that life has to offer!
Sending you great big hugs!!!
So here’s the deal.. don’t give up on happiness!!!
Stay committed to what you want.
…AND.. I’m off to Africa next week to volunteer and speak to make a difference on the power of igniting your sparkle!
Wishing you an amazing week and remember to put yourself FIRST!