In my experience as a coach, and talking with women everywhere, I’ve discovered that the majority of us have a common desire: to be in a deeply loving and connected relationship. You are not crazy and it’s not too much to ask.
We are all on this planet to love and be loved. The key is an open heart.
Chances are you’ve gone thru something at some point in your life that was disappointing, hurtful or painful and without even knowing it you’ve set up a rock solid security squad to circle and guard your heart. You are not alone, we all do it.
So, how do you bust thru the protection and open up again? There are actually several ways to do this but one of the quickest and most pleasurable is to have FUN!
Being in a playtime spirit, you are in your heart right away!!! I promise you that if you keep adding playtime to your daily life, you will open your heart to receiving in so many incredible ways!
When’s the last time you laughed with your girlfriends until you had tears rolling down your cheeks? Or your ribs hurt so much and you couldn’t catch your breath? When was the last time you sat and caught up with the women in your life that ignite your soul’s passion?
My secret weapon to achieving balance in my life?
I love girlfriend getaways. A few days out of town, having fun with friends is incredibly rejuvenating. Even if it’s only for a day or two, that can be just enough to change your perspective, bring you joy and peace and build the bonds of your friendships.
Getting out of town gives you a fresh perspective, energizes you, and opens you up for creative thoughts. Just being with your girlfriends, causes the brain to release Oxytocin, which is the “feel good” hormone. It’s released when women talk together, when we shop, when we have that bond together that is almost indescribable!!
Science backs this up! There have been studies showing that when you spend time with your girlfriends, your body releases the ‘Love’ or feel good hormone Oxytocin that is produced in the brain. (Check out this neat study on mice spending time with their littermates)
It’s the same hormone released after you give birth and gives you that euphoric feeling and the same one that’s produced when you first feel like you are falling in love! Oxytocin’s roll is to help us bond to others, and when we spend time with our girlfriends, its produced in abundance.
Here’s why we don’t do this enough: We feel guilty about getting away – leaving the kids behind for a few days, or spending time away from our mates, our jobs…
But you shouldn’t feel guilty! When you take time for you and your favorite friends, you are filled up, you are more able to be loving and present and openhearted in your day to day lives!!!
Hear me honey child: do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself!!
Here’s some ideas for time with the girls!
· Gather your soul sisters and head to the spa. Pamper yourselves with massages and mani/pedi’s, drink champagne and spoil yourselves silly!
· Weekend vino tasting adventure!
· Have a Girlfriend Staycation! Invite your girlfriends over, make sure there’s lots to munch on and have some choice beverages on hand, you could watch movies with the latest heartthrob or put on a chick flick!
· Breakfast, lunch or dinner play date
· Meet for a walk at your favorite nature spot
Whatever your pleasure, go call your girlfriends now for a get together or get away, you’ve been putting this off way too long!
Resistance to change is probably the #1 reason people stay stuck in their life.
If you crave something different in your life…say you want to get married or divorced or move or maybe you want to switch jobs but yet when the opportunity presents itself you shy away from it because deep down you are scared.
What if it doesn’t work out.. what if you make a mistake.. what if you can’t handle it. So you stay where you’re at and sink even deeper into a life you don’t love. Even though frustration and blah-ness builds you just can’t get yourself to take the first step.
I get it, just like you, I’ve been there …and that first step can be a doozy!!
Let me share a personal experience that speaks to this scenario.
There was a time not long ago I declared I wanted to be of higher service, reach more people, step up and out. I felt solid, bold and totally committed to this vision and declaration. Definitely excited, feeling it to the core of my being.
Within 2 months I was approached with the opportunity to be an international teacher/leader in a country that really needed support and assistance.
There it was, my golden chance – completely in alignment with my declaration…and yet I hesitated. Why? As much as my body was screaming and expanding with an emphatic YES, my mind was racing with all the reasons why it probably wasn’t a good idea…at this time. Maybe later.
I looked for outs all over the place, but every time I prayed I got one consistent simple response – GO.. PRONTO!
Even with God sending me messages as big as a universal billboard I had excuses – not enough time to prepare, so many projects on my plate, fear of speaking on a stage for the first time, fear of leading a group of transformational rock stars (did I have what it takes?) and then there was the financial piece…blah, blah, blah.
Fortunately I discussed it with my coach and we figured it all out. Was I still scared and resistant – you bet! But I mustered the courage to leap and I thank God every day for giving me the strength because that experience was without a doubt one of the most significant and meaningful things I have done in my life. It added a depth of love and happiness and understanding to my being that is inexplicable – and I would have missed out totally had I stayed in resistance.
These are the 5 steps I took to conquer resistance and create the change I desired.
I recently returned from a business building event in Tahoe with my mentor Mary Morrissey (in pic above we are heading to a fun dinner on the lake after a long day of ninja strategizing/planning).
The theme of the week was “what would you love?” A simple question, right?
You can take this query into every aspect of your life…so take a minute and ask yourself, “What would I love?
The truth is if we aren’t focused on this precious question daily the undertow of “life” pulls us into a routine, Ground Hog’s day existence.
Over the course of the week I had the opportunity to interact with several people in regard to this question and just about everyone, whether single or married, declared a desire to be in a deeply connected, loving relationship.
#1 – Playful feminine spirit – give yourself permission to unleash your playful feminine spirit and enjoy life with lots of laughter. To live a life of pleasure you must first know pleasure! So get in touch with your inner child – what did you like to do when you were young? As we grow older we often get way too serious. There is no room for frivolity if you are structured and serious. If you are having trouble recalling what brought you happiness as a child, take a few minutes to sit down and reminisce about what you loved to do if you had even 10 extra minutes as a kid. Did you dance, draw, read, sing, bake? Chances are whatever you liked doing then you will still enjoy today.
#2 – Confidence: men find women with confidence positively irresistible and sexy. Confidence says you genuinely love and respect yourself. You exude an energy that’s magnetic, magical and mesmerizing. You know who you are and what you want. You don’t expect others to create your happiness. You take responsibility for your joy and you know how to create your joy, independently of others. This takes the pressure off your significant other and lures them in to your wild and wondrous web of fabulosity.
#3 – Sparkle: this means “BEING” in “LOVE”! Many people interpret “being in love” in an other oriented way – I’m in love with my husband/boyfriend, I’m in love with my job, I’m in love with my dog, you get the picture. In truth when you allow yourself to BE – just being who you are, in the present moment here and now – and you allow yourself to fill up with love, becoming love – you are now, “ being in love”. There is no focus or dependence on any one else being the catalyst for you enjoying this extraordinary bliss. When you are in this state you sparkle. You’re happy, you’re excited, you’re having fun and you’re giving an abundance of authentic love to everyone you see. This is a fabulous place to be! From here you not only nurture the partnerships you already have – you attract relationships, friends, and situations that are equally as loving.
All of these will move you in the direction of having what you would love. As a matter of fact another fabulous benefit from laughing is that it opens the mind and heart, oxygenates your cells and gives you a fantastic glow, not only making you feel light and young, you will look years younger too!
Making fun and pleasure a priority is definitely essential to your happily ever after, so embrace your passionate, playful side and you will free yourself to live, laugh and love fully self-expressed.
In addition, bringing play into your relationship adds fun adventure, lightens any mood and opens the heart creating a nice bonding experience. Plus, it will get your man to open up and talk more. If you are frustrated by your man’s lack of chit-chat get him relaxed and playful – believe me, he’ll start yappin’ up a storm.
Reconnect with what you would love – dig deep into the real YOU – the you that glows with Divine Love – from this place you take back your power. So go find your playful, confident, feminine spirit and you’ll turn your lonely, dull and disappointing life/relationships into fireworks!
Or maybe you are in the cycle of doing, doing, doing for everyone but yourself and then feel a wave of guilt when you decide to take time for you or set limits around your availability or what you’re willing to do for others?
Do you label yourself as “selfish” when you want to do something for yourself or even by yourself?
These questions may feel a bit uncomfortable (maybe even silly), but really think about this for a moment. How often do you do something for or with others because it just doesn’t feel right to focus on yourself? If you really delve deeper, I bet you’ll uncover these exact beliefs and feelings (or something very close) at the root of your actions or inaction.
Getting over past loves was not easy for me. My low self-worth led me to behave in ways that make me cringe today. Thank goodness I found the tools to change – hallelujah!!! But that change didn’t happen over night.
Although I had been studying transformation since my early 20’s and had always been interested in how the mind works, that thirst intensified after 2 back to back heartbreaks. I was at my wits end and couldn’t take the pain anymore – have you ever been there?
Fortunately, through prayer and persistence, I was lead to discover what I consider to be the Holy Grail of emotional healing. A belief changing tool that works like magic.
It was so helpful for me I made it the foundational tool of my work. Last week I was privileged and honored to attend a retreat in Taos with the creator, Rob Williams ( he’s in the pic with me above) to brush up on this powerful belief changing process and hone my facilitator skills.
Because what I know for sure is the only way to get over your ex, move on, lose weight, make more money, and have more fun in life is to change our beliefs and behaviors. Can’t wait to share what I’ve learned with you so you can shake off your ex!!
If you want to move on from a relationship but are finding it hard to do so you are probably intertwined with your ex in ways you don’t even realize are preventing you from doing so. The following is an article I was asked to participate in by YourTango bringing to light ten hidden ways we stay connected with our ex’s. I wanted to share them with you so you can free yourself from the trappings of an old relationship.
It’s official. It’s over. Actually it’s been over for quite some time now. Then why are you still stuck with your ex? You may think you’re doing your best to move on, but somehow you just can’t shimmy away from him/her. Truth be told even if you aren’t in physical contact you may be fooling yourself with lots of sneaky subtle behaviors that keep you connected and prevent you from meeting someone new!
Breaking up can be hard to do. We may be bonded to the other person and have a hard time letting go. Not having a clean break, however, may be confusing for either party. Keeping what seem to be innocent connections may send the signal that you want to get back together or they stand in the way of making a future connection with someone new. 6 Steps To Get Over Your Ex
Here are 10 ways you may be sabotaging your freedom:
1) Online stalking — Are you playing super sleuth on facebook several times a day to find out what the ex is up to or if there is anyone new in the picture? Do whatever you can to avoid this treacherous trap. It will only rile you up or make you sad — neither of which are helping you achieve the healthy mindset you need to stay strong and move on.
2) He’s still in your bedroom — Until you’ve not just removed him and his stuff from your bedroom but marked the bedroom as your own, his energy will permeate the bed, the sheets, the closets and the walls. This room needs to become your room, your space, your sanctuary, and the best way to do that is with some redecorating. 10 Signs You Need To Break-Up With Your Ex (You Read That Right.)
Even minor changes like new pillow cases and a bedspread, reorganizing the furniture layout, or a new piece of art can totally change how the room feels to you as they act as symbols of change and remind you that life is focused on the “new you” in the making now. Open the window and cleanse cleanse cleanse him out of your bed, out of your dreams, and out of your space.
3) Saving old messages — Are you saving and rereading past texts or listening to old phone messages? Reliving the past can take you down the rabbit hole fast. You’ll start the whole vicious cycle of wondering where it all went wrong — blaming yourself, then your ex, then you again, totally enmeshed in a relationship that’s over. Time to delete, delete, delete!
4) Socializing with his/her loved ones — Do you stay in contact with your ex’s family and friends? Are you secretly hoping they’ll put in a good word for you, or make him/her realize what a fool he/she was for leaving you. You’ll find this tactic will backfire on you because any communication you have with them after the break-up just keeps him/her alive in your mind and heart. Unless there are children involved, do yourself a favor, and let go of those ties.
5) You have co-mingled accounts — I’ve not only heard clients say this, at one point I even said it myself: “Oh, it doesn’t really matter that we aren’t legally divorced yet — we both know we’re done and have moved on.” Wrong. It does matter. It’s closure on another level, one that officially marks an end to one part of your life and endorses a new beginning. 5 Ways To Make Your Marriage More Important Than Money
Make the time, do the paperwork, get legally divorced. Believe me, you will feel different when you hold those papers in your hand. It may have made financial sense to be on the same calling plan when you were a couple, but saving $35 per month isn’t financial saavy, it’s a way to keep connection with your ex.
We’re financially bound. Shared mortgages, joint debts and investments, income tax return and vehicle payments — having the ex involved in financial matters keeps his/her presence alive in your mind and life. Worst still, things could turn stressful if he doesn’t do his part in meeting financial obligations. Take the steps now to divide and clean up the mess as best as possible; autonomy means financial autonomy, too.
6) Asking for advice or help — If the only person you can think of to solve a problem or move a heavy box is your ex, you may be looking for ways to stay connected. Google is a modern day miracle for answers to even the most complex problems, and if a box is heavy or furniture needs to be moved, there are other people who could help. 10 Secrets Guaranteed To Help You Move The H*ll On From Your Ex
7) Keeping old photos — Do you still have pictures of the two of you displayed in your home or on your computer screensaver? Pictures stimulate desire and tug at your heart, causing you to reminisce about what was and could have been. They may cause you to weaken and reach out or keep you emotionally tied to the past. If you want to move forward, get rid of them pronto!
8) Visiting places you know your ex visits — If you find yourself frequenting those old familiar places or continually driving by to see if their car is in the parking lot, you may need to break-up with your ex. Finding new hang outs is a good way to meet new people. It’s also a considerate gesture to spare your ex the discomfort of someday running into you once you’re with somebody new.
9) Refusing to cooperate amicably with details of separation — Withholding items or refusing to cooperate amicably with details of separation can be a great way to stay in touch. Sometimes negative communication feels better than no communication and may be a way to fool yourself into believing you’re over your ex, when maybe you’re being obstinate because the truth is, you’re not.
10) Living in the same house — Whatever the reasons, from financial convenience, to kids, to legal headaches, when someone is still living in the same house with their ex, it’s time for a breakup. 8 Signs You Need To Break Up With Your Ex
If you are engaging in any of these activities you may now have a better understanding of why you are still intertwined with your ex. There’s no better time than today to master your mind and make a commitment to step out of stuck!
When’s the last time you had a good laugh? I don’t mean a little chuckle, or texting LOL to a friend. I mean a real, joyful, throw your head back kind of laugh!
Research tells us we are more attractive to men (and everyone for that matter) when we laugh in their presence.
So the question arises, are you spending your free/fun time doing things that increase your joy and happiness?
Whether you are single or in a relationship: if you want some memorable co-mingling you’ll want to increase your love vibe by making sure you are behaving in ways that are in sync with the life you want to create!
Be honest. Are you spending your free time holed up in your own home or focused on completing your to-do list? If you are, yet deeply desire a loving relationship, you’ll need to make some serious changes.
Engaging in activities that leave you feeling unfulfilled, bored or disconnected will pull your energy down, making you less attractive and creating the opposite affect of what you want.
So make a conscious choice to reclaim your playful spirit. Be open, adventurous and daring! When you start having fun you will activate your inner sparkle and this in-love-with-life attitude will make you irresistible to the opposite sex.
Laughter is a way to increase your appeal pronto!!! It’s a fact that laughter helps us bond with others.
Ever heard the expression “Laugh and the world laughs with you”? Research shows that when we laugh…..
Do you still carry a torch for your ex? Do you feel like no matter what you try you can’t let go? It’s like he’s claimed squatting rights in your mind and you can’t kick him out!
Not the best scenario – especially this time of year…everyone knows summer is the time for LOVE!
Over the years, I have witnessed clients, friends and even strangers so hooked into their past relationships that they let LOVE slip through their fingers during these warm sunny months.…so I have a question for you?
Who is responsible for the care of your heart?
Who decides how you are loved and respected and who you show love and respect to?
Don’t answer too quickly. Take a breath and go deep. Could you have given that job to someone who is no longer with you? Are you blaming yourself or him for the failings of your lost love?
If you answer yes, don’t despair. I know what it is like to mistakenly place responsibility for my happiness squarely on the shoulders of someone else and I also know how to reclaim my magnificence and today I know my value.
Why is it important to extricate yourself from the past while maintaining respect for your Ex? Simple.
Respect is a gift only you can give and allows you to step into your future gracefully. But how can you respect someone who has let you down or broken your heart?
Now that the bond is broken and he has moved on, your ability to regroup and rebuild your self esteem will go much faster if you appreciate the good and the bad that your Ex brought into your life. Yes, even the BAD.
The dictionary defines respect as holding in high esteem and honor. If your Ex has behaved badly, you might think you are excused from respecting him. Not so fast, another meaning of respect is to refrain from intruding on or interfering.
If you are imposing yourself into his world by holding on to his offenses, of course you cannot hold him in high esteem and honor. Respect for an Ex is doable when you see it as a withdrawal of your attention. As you refrain from “pushing” your energy into his world, you are being respectful.
Sure it hurt when he “rejected” you by breaking up but I bet you anything that you got so involved with him and his life that you have taken all the focus off your wonderful self. It is time for YOU! Here is a short Self Respect quiz to check it out:
1. When is the last time you congratulated yourself for completing an important project or do you always see what you didn’t get done?
2. Do you notice when you are tired and stop to nurture yourself or are you driven to manic activity with no rest?
3. Are you an over achiever pushing yourself constantly and never feeling good enough?
4. Do you compare yourself to others and see yourself as less than they are?
5. Are you stuck blaming him for your low self-esteem?
In other words, do you respect, love and totally accept yourself?
If you don’t treat yourself well, no one else will either. You teach others how to respect you by how you respect yourself.
So ask yourself, “Am I willing to find the roots of my lack of self respect?” If the answer is yes, you will find clues in life patterns that started in childhood. I know, I know, there is nothing new about looking into your childhood, but here’s a new twist.
You learn about respect from the way your parents treated one another. If judging and blaming was the norm, chances are you suffered from emotional and verbal abuse, not because your parents meant to harm you but because they were blind to how their actions were impacting you.
If you only got positive attention when you accomplished something, you can bet you confused those accolades for LOVE. Women who battle performance addiction and are insatiable people pleasers are my favorite clients! Once you know how to unleash your god-given spark…what you were put here to express, there is no holding you back!
Even though as a child, you didn’t have the ability to sort out fact from fiction and believed everything your parents and authority figures told you, once you find your sparkle, your truth, you will finally see that their beliefs were based on THEIR experiences and had nothing to do with you at all.
The truth is, they meant no harm—they were just repeating the patterns they grew up with. The big difference is that you are reading articles like this. You WANT to change your patterns. You WANT to find LOVE and SELF RESPECT.
What you must get is that your current view of yourself is not who you are. The reality is you were born perfect. A shimmering diamond of light vibrates at the core of your being. This is your true identity. This unique essence, your truth, is so incredibly SPECIAL and VALUABLE that when you start to claim it, you feel the Real Love you were born to experience.
Here is a short exercise to help you take steps right now to find that Inner Sparkle that will set you free to find the Love you deserve:
Sit in a comfortable chair and take several deep breaths. Allow your body to relax and sink into the chair. Imagine a beam of pure, sparkling Divine white light coming down from the heavens and shining on you like a spotlight on a dark stage.
See the darkness around you and feel the warmth and comfort of this pure light. Now let the light enter in to the top of your head illuminating you from within. Imagine this light dropping to the core of your Being, see your heart light up just like a Tiffany diamond showcased under the brightest of lights.
Like a lotus flower of light, notice how the facets of this gem open into new waves of sparkling electricity with every breath. Repeat this simple phrase 7 times. “I am open to the magnificence that is me.” Each time you connect to this energy, you will feel a deeper connection. Once you turn your attention inward and seek your Divine Spark, your Ex will be the farthest thing from your mind and heart.
This article was originally written for Valentine’s day but considering we have just entered the romantic months of summer I thought it a good idea to repeat this article because romance should never be relegated to just one day a year but instead reveled in consistently and constantly:)
So if romance is missing in your relationship take time right now to read this article and make a plan to rev up your romantic life!
Once upon a time, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You strolled hand in hand stealing kisses in shadowy places. He snuggled close to hold you on the couch. He planned dates, surprised you with gifts and texted you with naughty innuendos.
In those days, love was so easy. Chemistry ruled the day and starry eyed, you dreamed of the future you were sure was destined for you as a couple.
Fast forward 5 years…
Ahhhh the warm sensual days of summer have arrived…thoughts of romantic adventures dance thru your mind…until you stop and remember that the original heat, fire and chemistry are long ago forgotten, you and your sweetheart have settled into life. Children may have arrived on the scene or your two careers may be absorbing a big chunk of your time. Economic worries and aging parents might be pulling at your heart.
Things have changed between you and your man and you are not happy about it, right?
If you are like most of the women who contact me every day about their lackluster love lives, I bet your life is scheduled in lines and columns on a spread sheet. Did you know that this manic need to organize your time is part of the masculine energy that has been running your life?
More true than ever before, as women are stepping up to match men in earning power, being feminine is often viewed as being weak. Let me tell you a little secret, nothing could be farther from the truth. There is nothing more powerful than a woman in touch with her inner essence, that charismatic sparkle.
That sparkle, the shining light in the core of your being is leading you, whether you are aware of it or not, to the truth of who you are. Your masculine hard working self is important and you need it but unless you know how to access your femininity, your man will see you as a friend or buddy but not as a lover.
As women, we’re encouraged to “claim our feminine power.” But how? And what exactly is feminine power anyway?
The whole idea has been a bit confusing for forward-thinking females ever since the ’60s, and the women who have tried to claim their feminine power have experienced not only a loss of connection, balance, and intimate bonding in relationships, but a loss of personal happiness too.
With so few powerful feminine role models for women to emulate, “power” has been misinterpreted as masculine. And, as we donned the man’s boot, his uniform and became fluent in the man’s language, yes, we gained material success, but we lost the art and pleasure of being a woman.
Between daily demands, never-ending to-do lists, care-giving, and single-parenting, life is be overwhelming enough. And living at such a frenetic pace can lull you into a false sense of happiness . After all, you are doing all the right things, so life is good, right? Meanwhile, deep down there’s this nagging little voice that won’t go away, telling you there’s something missing. And there is.
To put it simply, you’ve lost touch with your feminine essence. Consequently, romantic relationships are either suffering or non-existent. Instead of soft, fun, flowing conversations, G-force power struggles are dominating.
That playful, sexy spirit got buried along with passionate, romantic adventures. Like many women, you may feel and look like a diamond in the rough rather than an enchantress lit by her own inner glow.
Fortunately, finding the road back to your sparkling diamond essence — what I believe is your true feminine power — is easier than you think … but you’ll need to identify and give up distractions that are toxic to your connection…to your authentic self.
So, no more saying “yes” to every request that comes your way. Let your drama queen friend cry on someone else’s shoulder. Set boundaries with your kids, mate, boss and anyone else who crosses the line.
Let go of the rescue role. Most importantly, trade some of your daily to-dos for some personal pampering pleasures. Here is a short list of ways you can feed your feminine essence:
1. Go outside. Step out into nature and allow yourself to connect with simply being — being present and taking in the beauty and majesty of all the outdoors has to offer.
2. Get creative. Live fully and find ways to express your playful and creative self.
3. Get spiritual. Renew your spiritual foundation.
4. Get passionate. Connect with your passions.
5. Get moving. Connect with your sensuality through dance. Put on your favorite song and let your hips sway and revel in the joy of being a woman.
6. Indulge. Eat or drink something that makes you feel decadent, delicious and honored.
7. Spritz away. Dab an essential oil like rose or ylang ylang on your ankles and wrists and in your cleavage. The scent will bring joyful intoxication.
8. Lotion with love. Take a few minutes before you slip into bed at night to lotion your body with loving caresses. Choose something lovely like lavender or create your own unique blend with a drop of jasmine or gardenia.
9. Concede. Give up the need to be right. How To Respect Yourself & Your Ex
10. Open up. Open your heart by meditating and sending a stream of pink light to every person who has shown you kindness and/or been there for you.
So, now you know—your feminine power is your feminine essence. It’s that simple. As women, we need to anchor in our feminine essence and let it rise to the surface and spill out so we can share the truth of who we are more freely and fully.
Our power comes from claiming that raw feminine essence. Rather than searching for what we can “do” to make ourselves more special, more unique, more attractive, more successful, it’s time to honor that we are perfect as we are. We are irresistible, sparkling diamonds. All we need to do is start claiming and proclaiming it!