“If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.”
~ Mother Theresa
Wow – powerful quote…and sometimes easier said than done, right?
Is there anyone you’re holding a grudge against and having difficulty letting it go?
I get it -I’ve been there. Several years ago my sister and I got into a massive fight just minutes before interviewing my lead expert for a summit I was hosting. She said some horrible and hurtful things that shook me to my core.
I was stunned and shocked thinking, “Are you kidding me? You know I’m about to do one of the most important interviews of my life and you’re choosing NOW to bring all this up?” I was trembling with anger and hurt as I put on my lipstick and told myself to push it aside and pull it together!
In all honesty it wasn’t my best interview; I was totally off balance with my entire nervous system shaken and my mind numb but I managed to push it aside and make it through with the grace of God.
It was afterwards that I wasn’t able to push it aside. I told the rest of my family and all my friends every little detail of what had happened, playing my victim role to the hilt and spiraling down into a vortex of blame, judgment, and self-pity. Ugghh, not something I’m proud of today but I felt justified at the time.
Ever happen to you? Ever fall into the rabbit hole of righteousness and claim the “I’ve been wronged” role with a vengeance?”
Although it’s easy to do, it sure doesn’t make you feel very good does it?
After a few weeks of sleepless nights, lack of focus and an upset stomach this situation was taking its toll on me. I clung to the belief my sister should apologize, but that apology never came.
I was tired of feeling so ugly inside and knew I had a choice – I could stay stuck in my story and all twisted up inside OR I could empower myself to shift out of it by healing the hurt.
The idea of forgiveness started to surface but to be honest I didn’t want to forgive her, even though I wanted to feel better.
Have you ever been there? Eeeesh it’s quite a quandry, isn’t it?
Ever wonder why forgiveness is such a tough thing to do especially when we most likely know that forgiveness puts us on the road to more love and freedom.
Primarily, it’s because many of us equate forgiveness with allowing or letting someone off the hook for wrongdoing. We think that by forgiving someone, we’re saying that what they did was okay.
Forgiveness can look like we’re condoning the other person’s behavior along with the hurt and pain they’ve caused us. It’s easy to get fooled with the thought, “Hey if I forgive him/her for hurting me I’ll just be setting myself up for more of the same.
The truth is when you hold resentment toward another you are binding yourself to that person or condition with an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Your freedom rests on dissolving that link and the only way to do that is with forgiveness.
So, in actuality, when we are able to forgive, we release ourselves from the bondage of the anger, hurt, resentment and possibly deep-seated pain we carry inside. Those feelings can keep us stuck and unable to move forward in our lives. For instance, if a past relationship caused you tremendous pain, you may be unconsciously sabotaging potential new relationships because you’re emotionally unavailable as you try to protect yourself. By not being able to release and let go of what happened in the past, you keep yourself closed off from the love, joy and happiness you most desire.
How can you move on without believing you’re condoning what’s happened in the past? Well, first, when you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean you have to continue to have a relationship with them. In fact, you never have to speak to them again-ever! It also doesn’t mean that when you say the words, “I forgive,” all is erased as if it never happened.
What is important to do, however, is to see the hurt you’ve experienced in a new light. It means connecting to and expanding that part of you that has never been hurt or harmed and can never be anything less than all-that-is. It means taking your past hurt to a new place…maybe even seeing the light AND the flaws in those that have “done you wrong,” with a measure of compassion for them.
I opened to this experience a few weeks into feeling so badly. It was Easter Sunday when I was sitting in church and asked God to lift this hurt from my heart and voila! I was instantly given a vision of my sister – she looked like an angel – and my journey of forgiveness began as I was reminded she is really a luminous light being. Within a few months I reached a place of peace and compassion.
Forgiveness gave me a new perspective that allowed me to see my part in this terrible tangle – and yes I did have an equal part in it. One of the biggest insights I had was that I could have chosen not to engage – that would have ended things before they got out of hand.
Although I don’t wish for anyone what I went through, I wish for everyone what I learned and gained from this experience.
The process of forgiveness is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy or quick. And it does not mean you ever allow this to happen to you again. To be able to truly move on, it can be extremely helpful to follow one of the processes I used to arrive at a place of forgiveness.
There are seven steps to follow to get there:
- Look at the hurt you have not been able to forgive up to now.
- Identify and allow yourself to feel your feelings about that hurt. Is there anger or resentment there? Is there fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment, or some other feeling connected to your hurt?
- Imagine how your life could be if you released this hurt and all the feelings related to it. Visualize the joy, excitement and happiness you will experience.
- Now here’s the biggest step! Declare that you are ready to let the hurt go. Yes, make a declaration. “I, _____, am ready to release this hurt and the feelings I have experienced along with it!”
- Do it! Release it! Let it go! Forgive the person, including yourself, for what you went through. You can do this quietly to yourself, with a trusted friend or coach or by expressing it directly to the individual you want to release.
- Feel the freedom and exhilaration of all that is now possible in your life. Know that anything and everything is possible. Feel it. Believe it.
- Go for it! Take the first steps into the love and freedom you now have to create new or renewed relationships built on trust and mutual respect.
The result of forgiveness is the ability to feel safe opening and receiving as well as feeling incredibly peaceful, out of which flows natural feelings of affection and love towards yourself and others. And from that new place of expansion come peace, abundance, balance and a GREAT life. So, go for the good life. You deserve it!
As far as me and my sister…we’ve rebuilt our relationship and it feels darn good!!!
While being in Bali the last few weeks I’ve learned something significant I want to share with you because it will make a huge difference in your life.
It’ s the secret to your personal well-being and overall happiness.
It’s the key to living a life full of love instead of sadness, frustration and disappointment.
Can you imagine living in consistent peace and joy? Wouldn’t you love it?? Seriously how amazing would that be? I’m talking every moment of every day, not just sometimes. Think about what a light you would be for others and how much more productive you would be if you were able to hold this state. Wow. It would be beyond awesome, right?
Well the people of Bali seem to have mastered this with ease and grace. They are beaming with peace and love and it’s genuine-it’s radiating from their eyes. Just being in their presence and energy makes you feel good. I thought wow I want to know what brings them this joy- what do they do to reach this enviable place of being all the time. To read more about the 3 Bali Principles for Happiness click here….
One of the aspects of my spiritual pilgrimage to Bali is to take the time to be self-honoring…to rejuvenate, refresh and fill up with God’s love to feel balanced and whole. I have been unplugged from technology for almost a week now-having deep rich conversations, taking long walks, doing yoga and body work and meditating – allowing my mind body and soul to reflect and relax. Many of the women on this trip sharing with me how rare it is for them to do something like this for themselves-my thoughts turn to you with these conversations.
This is not something most women feel comfortable doing or do on a consistent basis for themselves-instead they make sure everyone else is taken care of and happy. Right?
While it’s great to be service oriented, it’s also extremely important to serve yourself and your needs as well so that you can authentically show up as your best self for others. AND super key point to understand- in order to have that awesome deeply connected loving relationship you desire you have to be in a great loving relationship with yourself first!!
So today I want to give you several ideas on how to sprinkle some love on yourself:))
Self-love forms the basis of your single, most important relationship – that with yourself. The strength of all your other relationships is exactly equal to the strength of that groundwork. To love yourself is the prerequisite to healthy self-esteem and deeply connected relationships.
It is to be willing to receive as much as you are willing to give and do both equally. Self-love is about knowing your value, setting your boundaries, and honoring yourself. It is about teaching others how to treat you by demonstration of self-love. It is about being kind to yourself. It is about looking after your mind, your body and your spirit; all three. It is about knowing you are worth it, not because of what you have achieved or what you do for others, but because love is your birthright no matter what.
Important question for you: are you practicing self-love on a daily basis to honor your most magnificent Self?
Follow these 7 steps to fall head over heels in love with YOU:
1) Accept yourself — no matter what.
Self-love must come from a place of acceptance and appreciation. Regardless of your race, color, height, weight or gender, just accept the facts. You cannot change these things. If you don’t accept them you will cripple yourself—let go of what you cannot change and choose to celebrate instead.
2) Find evidence that supports how wonderful you are!
Every day you are going to be faced with situations that challenge your state of being, but when you understand that your heart inherently holds the blueprint for love, joy and happiness and all you have to do is tune in you’ll discover you’re not so burdened when things go awry. And ultimately, when you fall in love with YOU, the world will too!
3) Write yourself a love letter.
Commit it to paper and really gush! You are digging for your diamonds here so get out your pick, put on your mining hard hat and start excavating. If this is hard for you or you draw a blank, ask a good friend or family member to help you discover your dazzle.
4) Speak your truth – at all times, no matter what.
Express yourself with honesty and integrity. Even if you think the conversation will be hard, speaker your truth and come from love. This honors who you are as well as the recipient.
5) Practice self-care.
Listen to your body and take care of your needs! Eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired, get a massage, indulge in a mani/pedi, exercise, and kick any destructive habits/addictions like alcohol, drugs, and food abuse. You may need a village to help you and that’s okay. Don’t be afraid to reach out—you are worth it! There is plenty of support waiting to help you shine.
6 ) Combat the critics.
Ah yes, the stealth committee of your mind—always at your service to run you over the coals. When they show up en-force simply say, “Thank you for sharing, but no thanks! I choose to live with brilliance not bullying.”
7) Celebrate your accomplishments!!
Go ahead, toot your own horn! Toast your accomplishments with a friend or your partner over drinks. Buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a massage – do something to make a big deal of what you’ve done. I just had this conversation with a client of mine – when you minimize your winnings that’s sending a message that you aren’t grateful for these gifts. It’s also not very loving to yourself – you’ve worked hard so take time to high five yourself instead of being the tyrannical task master!
Follow these tips, learn to love yourself and you’ll appreciate the greatest love of all. Plus, watch as the world responds in wonderful, dreamy ways! xo
What would you love in 2017?
You are at a perfect point to plan and prepare for the best year you’ve ever had – SO exciting!
It starts with taking a stand for the life you desire and knowing that…
“Your history does not determine your destiny.”
Loooove that quote!!
That means leading yourself in an empowered way.
But how do you do that when you’re not sure what that means or how to do it?
Ironically it’s not just about how you lead yourself. Did you know the power of the other is always at work in your life?
It’s been widely suggested not to let others have power over us – but they do.
According to acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist and NY Times best-selling author Dr. Henry Cloud the power of the other can effect you from the boardroom to the bedroom…and beyond!
So what do you do about it so you can have a fantastic 2017?
Listen to my interview with Dr. Cloud and discover:
- How you can create relationships that support your growth and inspire you to be all that you can be
- How to disconnect from the power of the other that seems to sabotage or put a kabash on your dreams
Here’s to surrounding yourself with the right people for your BEST year yet!!!
You’ve got a dream, a goal, ambition and you’re ready to take the world by storm. Woo hoo!
But, wait, why are there so many darn potholes on the road to your desires?
Anyone who’s dared to dream knows that the initial excitement will eventually be met with some form of obstacle or resistance. So, how do you move past these roadblocks on the path to your bright future?
The first step is to recognize that a roadblock is not a dead end.
When a challenge arises, it’s important to stay connected to your “why” and not to give up. Why do you want this particular thing? As long as you keep this in the forefront of your mind you can recenter, refocus and recommit.
After all, a detour on the way to work wouldn’t keep you from getting to your end destination. So why would you let a detour on the path to your dream keep you from reaching your aspirations?
Today I’m going to share the 3 most common obstacles people encounter on the way to their dream and how to recognize these culprits and move past them.
This way, when you encounter an obstacle you can say, “Out of my way! I’m on course for my dream life!“
Viva la dream building!
The 3 Biggest Obstacles to Achieving Your Dream & 3 Solutions
Obstacle #1 – Fear
Fear, doubt, and worry are like leeches to your dream. There is a part of you that wants to move forward and there’s a part of you that doesn’t. The part of you that doesn’t is fearful of change. It will tell you all the reasons why you can’t reach your goal like, “you’re too old, you don’t know enough, you don’t have the money, you don’t have what it takes, you failed before what makes you think you can succeed this time?” Its job is to protect you in a safe little cocoon and therefore it will resist any form of growth and expansion in your life.
Solution #1 – Neutralize your fear
When you feel fear and anxiety creeping up, you’ll need to step out of that thought pattern. Take a deep breath and begin to focus on the “why” of your dream. Why is it that this dream important to you? When your “why” is big enough, the how will appear.
Ask yourself, what’s one step you can take from where you are right now, with what you have, to move towards your goal?
Your dream/vision will unfold one step at a time. Even the longest journey begins with just one step. What one step can you take now?
Obstacle #2 – Distraction
Distractions can keep you stuck in a rut. Have you ever set time aside for a project but before you sit down you look around and there’s the laundry or there’s a pile of mail you haven’t gone thru? Then you notice there’s that drawer you wanted to clean out, or you get a call from a friend and instead of letting it go to voice mail you pick up and spend an hour chitchatting with her, or you check your email and texts or get on Facebook?
These distractions can keep you on a permanent detour from getting to your dream!
Solution #2 – Stay focused & Set boundaries
Achieving your dream is going to require focus and effort. Set aside time regularly to work toward your aspirations. Treat this time as a VIP priority. Make sure you turn off all distractions. Put your phone on silent and close your email application.
Think of distractions as your archenemy in the field of your dreams.
Remember the importance of achieving your goal as you create your vision. If any distractions start to pop up, remember what they are and that you can make a choice of how to deal with them.
Obstacle #3 – Your habitual patterns keep you stuck
Most people want a life that’s warm, fuzzy and filled with fulfillment. Yet we go through life blaming our circumstances for the life we have rather than taking ownership and leading ourselves to a more empowered life. The truth is we all have circumstances, the trick is not to let the circumstances have us. Whether we are stuck in the past, seeing nothing at all ahead, or envisioning a dazzling future– all are equal in producing our reality. If we are dissatisfied yet do nothing to change, we will continue to live a mediocre life at best.
Solution #3 – Get in the driver’s seat and take control
Take responsibility for creating the life you want. You are the leading lady of your own life. Do the work to “know” what you want and “choose” those things. You have the power to create a life you love. It’s always a choice. You can move out of victim mentality, out of feeling stuck, and out of being irresponsible for life’s outcomes. You can choose to move into responsibility, possibilities, personal power and limitless opportunities.
It’s time to get in the driver’s seat and take control of your destination. You must identify and harness the power, control and responsibility for your thoughts and actions so you can be empowered to create a life you love.
Here’s to staying on track on the path to your dream. You CAN do it! I believe in you. Happy visioning!
Time to say sayonara to 2016 and let the New Year Begin!!!
Rather than setting resolutions, make a courageous commitment to living on the edge of your comfort zone. You sure would be in good company considering Dianne Feinstein and a bevy of other iconic females I saw interviewed said the key to a happy and fulfilling life involves taking risks and stepping out of your safety zone.
According to these empowered women, that’s when life becomes magical and you are truly living into your genius and greatness.
As inspiring as that sounds you may be saying to yourself, “That seems kinda scary. My life may be a bit boring but routine suits me because I know what to expect and I like being in control…” sound familiar?
In the spirit of this theme I am committed to speaking my truth – even if it’s a little risky -because I want to shake things up for people and nudge them in the direction of their bliss.
So here goes…living a routine life will suck your spirit dry! You’ll be parched, wilted, lifeless, dreamless with about as much energy as a sloth on a hot summer day. It’s time to follow your dreams and drink deeply from the well of the unknown. The excitement of the risk will make you feel vibrant and alive! Click here to learn 3 ways to make 2017 yours!
Have you ever been brought to your knees with totally unexpected news?
I’m talking gut wrenching, kicked in the stomach information that scrambles your brain. News that alters the course of your life in a split second.
I sure have. It can literally suck the life out of you. If you’ve been there, you know what I’m talking about, right?
Whether it’s your husband telling you he no longer loves you and wants out, or your doctor’s office calling with a dire diagnosis or suddenly suffering the loss of a loved one – you can feel lost and scared.
Besides courage and commitment there is another VERY IMPORTANT component to getting to the other side of your crisis. A powerful tool.
Watch this video now to discover this powerful tool.
In this video I am privileged to interview a woman I greatly admire – my good friend and colleague, Relationship Coach, Michelle Marchant Johnson. She shares with vulnerability and from the depths of her heart a life changing time in her life. Standing on the other side of where she wanted to be she discovered a powerful tool, THE key component, that took her to a higher ground and bridged the gap. This tool will help you too – no matter what is going on in your life.
If you want this tool for yourself, watch this video now. This conversation is raw and beautiful – full of wisdom and practical tips on what you can do if you find yourself in less than lovely circumstances.
Make sure you watch it to the end – Michelle reveals a wonderful opportunity for you.
Are the holidays bringing you down? With basically 2 weeks left till we bring in the New Year, are you happy with where you are at for the year?
Or…have you spent 2016 wrestling in a rut and you don’t know how to get out? Maybe you were broadsided with a relationship ending that was totally unexpected and you feel sad. Stuck. Stalled.
Or…you didn’t get that promotion or lose that weight or write that book.
All those big hopes and dreams you once had for yourself seem like they’re on a distant horizon, miles away and no longer in sight.
Being stuck can really take a toll on you emotionally making it hard to be happy and to feel confident as a woman. You don’t know what to do to get unstuck, so you shrink up and silently suffer. Click here to learn more about the “secret” on getting “unstuck” in 2017.
Wow, are we really in the “nth” hour of 2016? Can you believe it??
You may have had a really tough year and are looking forward to saying sayyyy-onnnn-ara!!!. That’s probably true for many people. On the other hand, there is no doubt you’ve had some real gem moments that may need to be mined from the last year.
Whether you’ve had high times or low times, there is some great wisdom to be had in all of it… if you know how to look for it.
Something I like to do at the end of the year is a “real” reflection because if you are anything like me, there is a tendency to focus on what didn’t get done. Right? Mama mia that can take you right down the rabbit hole!
So today I’m sharing this year end tradition with you; it’s perfect to do right now before you get caught up in all the holiday glitz and blitz.
This tradition I started several years ago is not only easy and fun, it helps me see all the good things that happened; clear the chaos and clutter to GET the lesson, and sets me up for a spectacular and exciting New Year.
What I’m talking about involves 3 simple questions.
Click here for the questions that will catapult you into a happy and successful 2017.
Do you ever feel like life is coming at you like a tsunami?
Is it hard for you to stay in your loving, feminine Self when you are in overdrive and feeling overwhelmed?
Especially at this holiday time when everyone is tugging at you and there is so much to do. It sure is exhausting isn’t it? And it doesn’t make you feel very “womanly”, right?
Honestly a lot of women struggle with this because most of us are taught how to make other people happy, how to sacrifice our needs…and made to feel selfish if we want a more pleasurable life.
I sure hear you loud and clear – it’s a challenge I face as well.
Fortunately over the years I’ve discovered some easy, fun ways to step out of the madness and fill up with a renewed vibrant feminine flow. These tips have worked successfully for my clients and I want to share them with you.
When you put them into practice you will reconnect with your charismatic essence and experience a much more love-filled, happy holiday and life. And when you feel loving, guess what happens? Yup, you guessed it – you attract more love.
These tips are not a singular quick fix – they are a practice, a way of life. Make the commitment to make these behaviors your new connect with “me” norm… make it a lifestyle and you will find yourself feeling full up with your feminine, sensual self – not only engaging everyone in your wake but feeling fabulous, sensual and in your feminine flow!