How much did you LOVE creating playtime in your life?? If you missed last weeks post about it – read it here and get moving on creating fun and excitement in your life!
If you did add more playtime, did you notice how it changed you energetically? How you were more filled up and ready to add more love and light into your life? Wasn’t that amazing?!!
In my experience as a coach, and talking with women everywhere, I’ve discovered that the majority of us want a deeply loving and connected relationship. in order to have that, you have to have an open heart. And being in a playtime spirit, you are in your heart right away!!! I promise you that if you keep adding playtime to your daily life, you will open your heart to receiving in so many incredible ways!
When’s the last time you laughed with your girlfriends until you peed just a little? Or your ribs hurt so much and you couldn’t catch your breath? When was the last time you sat and caught up with the girls in your life that ignite your soul’s passion?
On the other hand, when’s the last time you had a meltdown and just wanted a friendly ear for support? We love our men but they are wired to “fix” things, it’s in their DNA. When we tell them our problems, bless their hearts, they want to fix them for us, when sometimes we just want to vent, because venting out our issues allows the dust to clear so we can see what to do next.
The worst is when you’ve had a BAD DAY, and you just need to unload, decompress, yell and in frustration at the ceiling until the tension is gone and spent. With your girlfriends you have license to ‘lose it’ sometimes; have the meltdown and feel safe when you do. Do this in front of your man, and you might just get the blank stare – They don’t know what to do!!!
Your girlfriends get it. They know you just gotta let it out, shake it out, scream it out even, and when you’re done, and you’ve all eaten two of the best cupcakes in the known world with the most expensive bottle of wine you could find, they know its time to hatch your plans to put your life back in order. Girlfriends bring balance to your life.
My secret weapon to achieving balance in my life? Girlfriend Getaways!!
I love girlfriend getaways. A few days out of town, having fun with friends is incredibly rejuvenating. Even if it’s only for a day or two, that can be just enough to change your perspective, bring you joy and peace and build the bonds of your friendships.
Getting out of town gives you a fresh perspective, energizes you, and opens you up for creative thoughts. Just being with your girlfriends, causes the brain to release Oxytocin, which is the “feel good” hormone. It’s released when women talk together, when we shop, when we have that bond together that is almost indescribable!!
Science backs this up! There have been studies showing that when you spend time with your girlfriends, your body releases the ‘Love’ or feel good hormone Oxytocin that is produced in the brain. (Check out this neat study on mice spending time with their littermates)
It’s the same hormone released after you give birth and gives you that euphoric feeling and the same one that’s produced when you first feel like you are falling in love! Oxytocin’s roll is to help us bond to others, and when we spend time with our girlfriends, its produced in abundance.
Here’s why we don’t do this enough: We feel guilty about getting away – leaving the kids behind for a few days, or spending time away from our mates, our jobs…
But you shouldn’t feel guilty! When you take time for you and your besties, you are filled up, you are more able to be loving and present and openhearted in your day to day lives!!!
Hear me honey child: do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself!!
Here’s some ideas for time with the girls!
· Gather your soul sisters and head to the spa. Pamper yourselves with massages and mani/pedi’s, drink champagne and spoil yourselves silly!
· Weekend vino tasting adventure!
· Have a Girlfriend Staycation! Invite your girlfriends over, make sure there’s lots to munch on and have some choice beverages on hand, you could watch movies with the latest heartthrob or put on a chick flick!
Go call your girlfriends up for a get together or get away, you’ve been putting this off way too long!
There have been times in my life where I felt spent; where I felt I had given my last bit of energy to others and there is nothing left for me. Or that I although I was doing what I love, I was not feeling fueled by it. I began to resent my work and myself. Ay yi yi!!!
I absolutely didn’t want to feel like that. I justified by telling myself I was growing my business so it’s totally ok to work my tail off, and put playtime on the backburner
It was during this time I also cut back on seeing my girlfriends, I stopped going out, and I was always TOO BUSY.
I was no fun sister, life had become too serious, and I’d had enough.
Here’s the thing – your soul needs playtime. You are meant to have fun in your life!! You are so meant to take time to fill up your personal well of happiness and nourish your sparkling essence so you are a better lover, mother, friend or entrepreneur.
Research shows when you are playing, laughing, having fun it puts a stop to the constant thoroughfare of thoughts about the past and future. You become fully present.
Why is this important for you?
Click here to discover what Harvard researchers say about the connection between playtime, being present and relationships.
I want you to pretend you are in a race tomorrow and you are determined to win it. (Stay with me beautiful, I’m not always about races but this is leading to an IMPORTANT point I want to share with you that will make a HUGE difference in your life results).
It doesn’t matter how long the race is, or what kind of exercise, (running, or swimming for example). I just want you to think about the fact you are determined to win. Would you now be thinking about what you need to do to be ready?
Kind of exciting, right? Ok lets keep going.
How much did you train? What was your diet like? Did you get enough sleep? What do you need to eat the day of your race so you have enough fuel to win?
And most importantly – what about your win strategy? Yes your win strategy. How are you going to ensure your win? Any ideas?
Here’s a hint, it’s called visualizing or envisioning, and it’s a strategy employed all over the world with amazing results by pro athletes and big time business people.
This is how Olympians win medals, and how top CEO’s make fortunes. Best thing is, you can learn how to do this and make your own magic happen.
Want to know more?
Last year I joined a running group as a promise to myself to get back into shape. I committed with this training group to run a half marathon (ok more like a blended run/walk cuz of the ole’ hip replacements LOL) but yes I was going to RUN again!!!
Crazy me right?
I trained for this half marathon for over 6 months. I challenged myself with hill repeats and other forms of cardio torture. I was trying something different, and it was pulling and stretching me in amazing ways!
I was getting stronger!
I felt myself getting stronger both mentally and physically. I felt less stressed in my day-to-day life, I was sleeping better and I was loving this running thing!
So after 6 months of sweat, and countless mornings where I wanted to stay in bed but I got up and ran instead, the half marathon was now just a week away. I was excited, nervous and feeling pretty great that I had put in the work and my goal was in sight.
Just days before the run, we found out the unfortunate news that my Aunt had passed away and her funeral was to be on the exact date of the half marathon.
I was upset to lose my Aunt, and of course I was going to be there for the funeral, so running in the half marathon with the thousands of other runners was now out of the question. But I was also bummed that this goal I had worked towards would now not be completed.
I felt defeated, and guilty for feeling that way. Geez Louise!
I could have quit.
I didn’t want to quit on myself after all this training and hard work so I decided to run my own half marathon before I had to go to the funeral. I knew if I waited until after, and the ‘real’ half marathon was done and I was reading about how my friends and training partners did, I would never ever run it.
So two days before the funeral, I set up an ‘aid station’ outside my house at the base of the driveway with water and snacks. I figured out how many times I’d have to run around the hilly streets of my neighborhood to run the full 13.1 miles in one go. Then I was off, I ran and ran, and wow was it hard.
I wanted to stop so many times but here was my secret – I listened to the song Happy by Pharrell on repeat over and over – it was like a mantra, filling me with positive energy that kept me going with strength and conviction.
I also kept thinking to myself, if I don’t finish this run, how would I feel? LIKE CRAP, that’s how. So I kept going, mile after mile until it was done.
I was determined to finish my run in under 3 hours since those were the rules in the ‘real’ half marathon and I really wanted to beat that deadline and guess what, I did!!! Ended up crossing my 13.1-mile ‘finish line’ in 2h 56 minutes. Sweeeet success!
I felt a new inner spark of happiness lighting me up from the inside.
Think of yourself as a Diamond, beautifully cut, glinting in the light.
Inside of each of us is a diamond – I call it your Diamond Power. When you are faced with a challenging situation, and you face the challenge and move through it, it effectively adds another cut to your diamond, it makes you even more brilliant, it adds to your sparkle!!
Here’s 3 ways to grow your Diamond Power:
- Stand in your Commitment - Once you’ve committed to reaching a goal, don’t let yourself out of it. Close the back door- make sure you don’t give yourself a way out of it. No excuses!
- Think Big Picture - If you’re staring at 2 or more choices – make a decision that is in alignment with your goal. I want you to step back and ask yourself, how will I feel if I don’t honor the commitment to the plan or goal I’ve just set? Ask yourself how you want to show up in your life, and how you will feel if you don’t follow through. Make sure you are showing up with your sparkle and great intentions!
- You got to have Faith- Whatever you believe in; God, The universe, the Divine, have faith that they have your back, and you are not in this alone. If you ask for help, have faith that you will get the help you need.
Something that comforts me and strengthens me is the knowing that we are never alone.
We feel helpless when we are alone, we feel weaker. But really and truly you are never alone. If you ask for help to the Divine, to God, the Universe, it will appear – it just might not appear as you had envisioned – so be open to whatever way the help materializes. Stay open and allow yourself to receive.
So remember, stay committed to your goal, choose your actions wisely and trust you have all the help you need – and you will cross the finish line with sparkles on!!!
I’m in the midst of selling my Dad’s house right now, so lately I’m spending a lot of time working with my agent while she works on selling the house. It’s been a bit hectic, and a bit stressful.
No problem baby! I got this!
That’s what I tell myself because I tend to roll with the punches and adapt pretty easily. But, what got me thinking, and wanting to share with you is that my agent who’s selling the house unexpectedly triggered me.
She had sold my siblings and I into this strategy for selling the house and it didn’t go as she had said. I have a pet peeve about people promising something and then it not happening OR changing the story to match the result. Mama Mia!
So when this happened, I was totally triggered and I felt angry and tricked somehow. But as I was getting super ticked off, I remembered to STEP BACK, and take a breath. I asked myself – How come I reacted that way?
Why am I getting triggered?
Have you ever made eye contact with someone and they smiled at you and it totally caught you off guard, but you found yourself smiling back?
That’s charisma! And here’s a fun fact – charisma was originally a religious term, it meant ‘of the spirit’ or inspired.
It’s all about that pure light in us shining through into the world.
Most people think you are born with or without it, and that is simply not true. It’s a skill! You can develop and master it!
Marianne Williamson says that ‘charisma is the sparkle in people that money cannot buy.’ That’s just beautiful!!!
I LOVE THIS!!
Charisma is literally invisible energy with visible effects!
Here are 3 benefits of developing YOUR charisma:
Allowing your own light to shine through – When you are allowing that light inside of you to shine through, you are being expansive and open, and people are drawn to you. They become magnetized to you. The benefit? You are literally channeling your inner power; you begin to realize you can do anything you put your mind to!
Developing connection with others – So many people filter out social interaction to a limited existence. As a matter of fact I challenge several of my clients who feel that isolation, to try the challenge at the bottom of this post. I tell them to go out and literally to make eye contact and smile at people. Smile at strangers! It’s amazing what happens – they feel their mood lifting, their spirit lifting and they just feel good inside. That is the connection we live for – and when you allow yourself to be in that connected space, smiling and making eye contact, others can feel it and they respond to you!
People get to see your sparkling soul. That’s where you are living authentically! When you give yourself permission to show up and freely express your unique magnificence, a lot of amazing things begin to happen! When people really see YOU, they connect with you. When your authentic self is shining through, and people around you have clarity about who you are, they see the purity of your soul and spirit. That openness and beauty brings out the best in them. You are empowering them to be who they are; it inspires them to tap into the best part of themselves. It inspires a connection and it creates a real ripple effect!
That energy reaches out. Having a charismatic attitude allows people to see you, to connect with you; it allows you to shine your light of who you are into the world!!!
Wow this attitude is powerful, isn’t it? I would love to help you own it….
So here is what I want you to do!
I challenge you to smile at 15 people a day for the next 3 days! When you are out shopping, smile! When you are walking outside, smile and make eye contact with people you cross paths with! You might get a few funny looks, BUT you will start to see people automatically smiling back! They can’t help it, your charisma is drawing them in and they want to smile back!
Try this for the next 3 days and I’d love to hear how it affected you!!
As a matter of fact some people have more excuses than Carters has pills.
Maybe you think you have an excuse to be sad or upset; traffic was bad, he hurt me, didn’t keep his word, he betrayed me.
Or you may think you have an excuse to settle for where you are; you had a bad childhood, you went through a brutal break up, your partner doesn’t support you.
Well dear heart as long as you blame the past, a friend, your partner, the traffic, the weather – you name it… you will justify where you are and stay stuck in unhappiness.
Believe me, I put off writing my book for many years because of ALL the excuses I had that seemed totally justifiable. I didn’t have time, didn’t have the money, didn’t have an agent, didn’t trust what I had to say was important enough to put into print.
I get it!!
But at some point, if you want to move forward, if you want to invite happiness in, you have to ditch the excuses. Even if they are valid excuses like betrayal, abandonment, disappointment or death – toss them out. They are keeping you from your joy.
Ahhhh. Joy. Happiness. Big, bright smiles. I’m reminded of my volunteer experience last year in Liberia, Africa. The people were so happy and they had nothing to speak of materially – living in concrete shacks with virtually no furniture, wearing the same clothes every day, sweltering in the high heat and humidity, no internet, no TV, – and forget about Starbucks they didn’t have enough food in their belly….these people had plenty of reasons to be depressed so how was it they were so gloriously happy?
One woman in particular, “Mama” (leaning sideways with a huge smile in the pic above), made a lasting impression on me and everyone on the trip. Mama breaks it down so simply.
“THE YOUNG BOY said to his grandfather, ‘I have two wolves barking inside of me. The first wolf is filled with anger, hatred, bitterness, and mostly revenge. The second wolf inside of me is filled with love, kindness compassion and mostly forgiveness. Which wolf do you think will win?’
The grandfather responded, ‘Whichever one you feed.’”
Wow what truth!
Take a minute and ask yourself, “which wolf do I feed?”
And then take it a step further and reflect on which wolf feasts when you are going through a rough time. Do you bring in the second wolf of self-love or do you stuff the wolf of self-bashing?
How do you treat yourself? Be honest. It has everything to do with your happiness.
If you are constantly beating yourself up with judgment, criticism and guilt you aren’t going to have the mental or physical strength to presence as the woman you want to be.
On the other hand, if you support yourself with gentle, kind nurturing thoughts it’s going to be much easier to feel joyful and show up as the empowered leading lady of your life.
The Greek philosopher Epictetus said: “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
So who do you want to be?
It’s important to have a clear vision and knowing of who you want to be and equally important to take actions that support your desire.
First create a clear picture of who that woman is –design her from the inside out. A great way to do this is to sit with a journal and write down character traits and qualities that inspire you or that you admire and wish to adopt.
Next thumb through magazines – what style of dressing attracts you and expresses your personality and feminine essence?
If you find one picture that says it all rip it out and put it where you’ll see it daily (when I was divorcing I found a picture of Manola Blahnik shoes that symbolized everything I wanted to become and put it on my bulletin board at work – LOL – but hey, just looking at it lifted my spirits!)
You may also find several pictures that speak to you and create a collage. The idea is to become clear about who you want to become and stay focused on this.
Next you want to notice what stops you from becoming this unforgettable woman. What thoughts run through your mind, what fears paralyze you and keep you stuck?
What lies are you telling yourself about what’s possible for you. What negative voices are telling you, “ha, who are you kidding, you’ll never pull that off, you’re too old, not good enough, not special enough …blah, blah, blah – feeding that annoying attack wolf again.
Whoooah, let’s pause, take a breath and turn this wolf around!
How, you might ask, do you do that?
Here is a 3-step process to develop more self-love so you can become the leading lady of your life from this day forward.
1) Identify the underlying thought that blocks you, stops you, basically sabotages your movement forward.
2) Locate where that thought is in your body and place your hands over it – dialog with curiosity and love.
3) Imagine a beautiful Divine diamond where the dis-ease is in your body and see that gem light up like it’s in a Tiffany showcase. See angelic hands pouring pure pink crystals over and around the diamond filling you with love.
Do this until a peace washes over you and you feel calm and relaxed. Rinse and repeat every time wolfie #1 gets out of control and you will soon be showing up as the true, magnificent woman you envision.
Let me know if this was helpful by leaving a comment below.
Are you, like so many women over 40, having trouble accepting your age?
Do you find yourself looking in the mirror and thinking YIKES!! Maybe saying to yourself, “OMG, where did that new wrinkle come from? And…whoooah look at those puffy dark circles (note to self – stop at Sephora immediately for ‘bag’ control )…eeeesh nose hairs, what is happening to me???
Many of my clients have confided they are having a tough time accepting that they are getting older. They feel like they’ve lost their sparkly sex appeal and are downright depressed about the reflection staring back at them.
What about you?
Would you like to feel better about aging? Accept the inevitable with grace and ease? Be able to connect with that part of you that’s confident and ignore the inner critic, that big fat judge that won’t budge?
Do you want to feel beautiful in WHO you are? Confident and comfortable in your skin.
So how do you get there?
In this video, I share two powerful questions that I give my clients when they need to get clear about their inner diamond value.
You will also learn how to ignore your evil twin (the one who sits on a soap box in your mind and fills you with bad juju thoughts) and instead tune into your inner angel – the one who will help you fall back in love with yourself.
Take a moment to think about this. If you aren’t experiencing the love you desire are you silently slinking inward, wondering what’s wrong with you and unwittingly closing off your heart creating a barricade against love? The truth is many of us put up barriers around our hearts – we just don’t realize it right away.
You don’t have to be single to dread Valentines Day – its just as stressful, if not more so, if your heart is shut down, or you feel alone in your relationship.
Why is this important?
In the weeks leading up to Valentines Day, we are bombarded with images both on TV and social media, with a very consumer driven view of what love is, or should be.
A client of mine shared with me that she used to be disappointed if her man didn’t make a big deal about Valentine’s Day! She’d get really upset if there were no roses, no dinner, or special gift that made her feel adored. Really? Was this love?
Here’s why this is relevant:
We all want to experience deeply connected love. Being in a healthy, loving relationship is a rewarding and fulfilling life experience! But sometimes, without even realizing it, women can close off their heart and block out love.
Thinking everyone else’s needs are more important than our own we disconnect from ourselves. This is a way we stop loving ourselves. When we stop loving ourselves we begin to close off parts of our heart to others too.
How does this happen?
Here’s a clue – you block out love when you start living from your head instead of your heart.
~When you get stuck in your head, you not only lose touch with your heart-based love, you lose connection to others. ~
The best way to stay in your heart is to live in joy and gratitude – this will automatically fill you up with warm, expansive love.
Getting the love you crave starts with YOU. You must BE love to attract love. Many women I speak with say they want someone in their life to make them feel important, special loved. Most people have that innate desire and deserve such adoration. But here’s the thing – in order to attract that into your life, you need to be feeling that way about yourself FIRST. It’s magnetic – be that sparkling woman who loves herself and draw them in like honey.
Unfortunately, the tendency to toughen up after heartbreak, vowing to stay strong to protect ourselves from future hurt, a current relationship that is disappointing, unfulfilled, and un-luscious can all prevent us from living in a happy and healthy loving state.
So how can you identify when you’re out of balance, or living in a closed off and protective state, absent of juicy-joy?
Here are five questions to ask yourself:
1. Do I nurture my needs, show myself compassion, truly love myself?
2. Am I able to forgive myself for past wrongs?
3. Am I able to forgive past hurts from others?
4. Do I blame myself for all that is wrong in my life?
5. Do I blame others for what is wrong in my life?
If you’re not in sync with any of these questions, then it’s time to shower yourself with some extra TLC.
Imagine being enveloped with self-love and acceptance… how amazing that would feel? Don’t you want that?
To start with, use the following affirmations in your daily health regimen:
1. I am WORTHY of love.
2. I RELEASE my pain and forgive the past. I am free to love.
3. I am LOVING towards myself and others.
As you practice these affirmations daily, you’ll begin to feel your desire for more love in your life. You may notice that you feel more loving toward yourself and others.
Here are five heart-juicy actions to incorporate into your daily life to continue to expand your heart center:
1. Sing. Sing in the shower. Sing in the car. Sing as you clean house or go about daily chores. Sing with your favorite singer or group or sing solo. Let it rip! Allow yourself to sing out loud and sing out strong—you’ll feel your heart expand as you do. I bet you’ll even notice a great big smile on your face. Now, how awesome is that!
2. Play with a child or pet. Both children and animals live in the present moment. A child’s laughter is contagious. An animal’s unconditional love is healing. Both children and animals remind us to lighten up, and not take everything so seriously. They also show us that it is possible to let go of past hurts and move on. So, go play; have fun and lighten up!
3. Spend time in nature. Mother Nature reminds us to just BE. She also shows us that all is as it should BE. Enjoy a walk near water, or stand amongst a grove of tall trees. Have a picnic in a meadow of flowers. Get quiet and listen to the messages from nature; the singing and chirping of birds, the rustling of the leaves as the wind blows, the sound of the water as it bounces across rocks in a stream. Let nature soothe and heal you, and remind you that you are amazing and fabulous just because you’re YOU.
4. Figure out what brings you joy and happiness and do it! If this seems difficult to identify, think about what you loved doing as a child. As children, we loved feeling joyful and happy and we loved to have fun. Did you like to ride your bike, roller skate, roller blade, play hopscotch, swing, jump rope, play ball, swim, surf, curl up and read a book or did you like to pretend you lived in an enchanted land? Think back and remember who you were as a child—it’s the biggest clue to what will bring you joy as an adult.
5. Spend time with someone you love. Spending time alone is great, but hanging out with your best girlfriends can be even better to connect you with your heart. Sometimes we want to be in a group, but at other times you might just need some good ol’ heart-to-heart talking with just one person you love and trust. Those we love and who love us are our best mirrors for how amazing we are.
As you do more to open your heart and live from your heart, you’ll find yourself experiencing joy and gratitude more regularly. Not only will life feel more expansive as a result, but also your relationships will feel more deeply connected. And that’s the best of all worlds!
This month show yourself some lovin’! You will find that when you truly love yourself, that loving others is easier, more heartfelt and more rewarding!
If you find you are struggling with this, I want to support you. Use this link to schedule a complimentary 30 minute “heart opening” strategy session. You deserve to enjoy an open heart and deep love!