So you discovered your partner is cheating… the first thing you want to do is get clear on what you want. In this moment, right now, ask yourself, “What would I love? Recognize how you can nurture yourself and take action!
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your passion and purpose, and you’re ready to step into what’s next for you and your life…
This event is something that you DO NOT want to miss – and there’s no charge to attend!
For the full event details and registration, go here now:
I hope to see you there!
Angel, if you’re a woman in America (or any part of the world that reads People Magazine, chances are you’ve heard the news: Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are divorcing because he had an affair with the nanny.
When you read those headlines, does some part of you wonder, “If Jennifer Garner can’t keep a man from cheating, who in the world can!?”
She’s smart, sexy, stunning, and of course – a movie star! So what gives?
This might be especially poignant for you if you’re… [READ MORE]
Has this happened to you? It happened to me, and it’s happened to many of my clients!
After my ex-husband cheated on me, he knocked on my front door 8 months later to see if I was interested in getting back together.
At the time I was surprised, but now I can see what happened. As I rebuilt my life and began moving on – meaning dating and doing the things that made me feel happy and grateful and vibrant, he was attracted to the energy.
He wanted me back.
I chose to say “no”, but there’s nothing wrong with saying “yes” to the right situation.
Some partnerships last years after an infidelity when both parties are interested in repairing the relationship (just look at Bill and Hillary Clinton, who have stayed married almost two decades after a very public and embarrassing infidelity scandal).
If you’re faced with an ex-partner coming back into your life, the best thing you can do for yourself is really trust your gut, be crystal clear on what you want, and stand strong in your truth. Stay committed to staying in integrity with yourself. Here are 3 questions to ask yourself if you’re in this situation:
1. Do I really think we can work things out, or am I just afraid to be on my own? This is where honesty is a must! If you are going to make a go of things you’ll want to come to the table with a clean heart.
2. Does he genuinely seem willing to do what it takes to move through this challenging period? What is he willing to do to make amends and help you feel safe again?
3. Am I willing to work through the emotions of jealousy, betrayal and trust and find forgiveness in my heart? In other words are you willing to heal and let go of some of your old stories and clear cobwebs from the past? Are you willing with time to open your heart again?
This is a very personal decision and each situation is unique. If you decide to take him back don’t think things will magically change on their own. The key is to put some solid new structures in place that will help you and your relationship heal and evolve in a healthy way. Reflect on what went wrong with curiosity and assess what new skill sets, behaviors and/or coaching you will both need to get through this tough time.
Whatever you choose, sweetness, I am here for you. Click HERE to set up a time to speak with me over the phone.
The question for you and your partner is this: do you ultimately want the same thing?
Many, many relationships have survived infidelity. Survival happens when both people are moving in the same direction and willing to view it as a wake up call toward relationship evolution.As a matter of fact, I was just talking to my client, Nikki, yesterday – and she said she was actually happy her husband cheated because it knocked her out of her comfort zone and forced her to grow.
Gaining new perspective and stepping into different, more empowering behaviors she is now light, happy (even giggly) and confident – sharing she feels like she can do anything and all the anxiety is gone.
Her hubby is coming around and making a big effort to get in her good graces again. Not only has he stopped criticizing her and giving her the cold shoulder, he’s happily cuddling up with her on the sofa and she’s planning romantic escapades.
Maybe you, like Nikki, need a different skill set, better communication skills, better boundary setting and self honoring, more practice offering forgiveness, or a better……[READ MORE]
Years ago when I discovered that my husband was cheating on me, I did what a lot of women do: I blamed myself.
Questions ran through my head, like, “What did I do wrong? Am I not smart/attractive or fun enough? How did I lose his attention?” You see, I thought I was doing everything right.
Can you relate to that?
When I got married, I remember thinking, “If someone cheats on me, that’s it. I’m outta there! I’m not putting up with it.”
Well, that went out the window!
When I discovered that he had been cheating, the feeling that washed through me was, “I’m not enough.” If you’ve ever felt that, you know how awful it is.
From the place of not being enough, I felt desperate. I did everything I could to try and save my marriage: I begged, I groveled, I asked him to go to counseling and I even called the other woman to ask her to leave.
But you see, Sparkle Sister, he was just done. For him, the marriage was over, and I couldn’t see it. But I knew from the deepest part of my soul that I had to accept it – as much as I didn’t want to…and move on.
Wherever you are on your journey, the most important thing you can do is honor yourself. It’s hard – I know. Give yourself as much love as you can. Make the phrase “Self-Care” become your new mantra (one of my clients uses this and says it stops her in her tracks when she’s going down the rabbit hole and helps her refocus, bringing her back to her center).
Some other suggestions for loving yourself include:
a. Take a walk on the beach and let the fresh air clear the cobwebs – giving you a new perspective.
b. Have a glass of your favorite wine with a wonderful friend – connecting and sharing gets your oxytocin flowing – this is your “feel good” hormone and brings a feeling of being wrapped in love.
c. Write yourself a love letter and gush about all the ways you are lovable. If you have trouble with this, ask family or a good friend to tell you what they love about you and stay focused on this!
d. Hire a coach and create a new vision for your life, identify and reframe limiting beliefs and/or patterns so that you can move forward with confidence knowing that you have healed and have the tools to attract and create a healthier, more deeply connected loving relationship.
You deserve it, beautiful.
And you also deserve to give yourself the gift of acceptance. If he’s done, take a deep breath, and find a way to move on.
If you need some help with that process, I’m here for you. Click HERE to connect with me personally. I’ve been there, sister, and you’re not alone.
In fact, I was so embarrassed to admit that my marriage had failed and that my husband had cheated on me and had plans to leave that I hid it from my mom until he left. I even dragged my soon-to-be-ex-husband to a Christmas family vacation at Lake Tahoe and made him pretend that we were fine because I felt so mortified to share my shame and “failure” and didn’t want to spoil my family’s holiday.
It’s like I was living in this bubble of, “everything’s okay!” Even though it wasn’t.
When I was finally able to share with my family what had happened, it made it all so real – and although it was a relief to get it out in the open and gain their support, it really sunk in and I felt scared and lost. I had to go through a process of rediscovering myself – because at that point, I didn’t even feel like I knew who I was anymore.
Does that sound at all familiar?
If you are struggling to reconnect with what makes you YOU, here are five things to try:
Lovey, we will always live up to our self-image, whether it’s a strong, secure one or whether it’s a doubtful, frightened one.
But the cool thing is that you can create a new self-image if you want to. And this becomes particularly important when you’re dealing with an infidelity in your partnership – feeling like you are not enough, or that you’ve done something wrong or that you are fundamentally flawed or cursed.
When I found out about my husband’s cheating, I thought, “Okay, Sherri, this is an opportunity for growth. You’ve lost touch with yourself, you aren’t really sure who you are anymore – take this time to discover who you want to be? What are the traits of the woman you want to become? How do you want to show up- not only in your relationship, but in the world?
These are key questions to ask yourself – because if you don’t have a clear idea of who you want to be, how do you know how to move into it?
When I found out my husband was cheating on me, I was so stunned that my whole body started shaking and it didn’t stop shaking for a week. I lost 10 pounds in 5 days because I was in such a state of utter shock.
It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and I had no safe place to land.
Can you relate to that, Sparkle sister?
My husband had gone out to get his international newspaper when I walked into his office to find something. I wasn’t a jealous or snoopy wife at all; I never “checked up” on him or went through his things because I trusted him.
But when I was in his office that morning, the phone rang and a woman’s voice came through. She had a syrupy southern drawl, saying, “Hey sweetie, I just found us an apartment! Now I’m on the way to the doctor…”
I picked up the phone and snapped, “Who is this?” but she hung up immediately.
That’s when the shaking started, and it didn’t stop. I felt like a blow-up doll whose plug had just been pulled: now I was whirling and twirling around the room with no direction.
You see, I thought I was doing everything right, dear heart, which is why it was such a traumatic revelation. I was a supportive, loving wife, and I was the breadwinner.
During the weeks that followed my discovery, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, “I don’t even know who you are anymore. I don’t recognize you. I don’t connect with you. I don’t even know if I like you.”
I felt like an empty shell of a person.
My lovely, sweet reader, if you are going through this right now, or ever have gone through this…
Wow is that empowering or what???
The challenge is our awareness of this gift. There’s that part of us that gets amnesia and just goes with whatever comes into our minds – letting it have it’s way with us, affect our feelings, our mood and ultimately our experience and results in life. Ugggh, not a fun way to live.
If you can relate to feeling like an innocent bystander to this steam rolling saucy side you are not alone. I used to let that cheeky voice take me right out of a happy mood until one day I had an “aha” and discovered a simple solution to get her under wraps.
I remember taking a walk one early Sunday morning about a year ago. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, wafting a dreamy glow on the whole beach. The sounds of ocean waves lapping at the sand and seabirds rousing themselves just made this morning delicious.
I thought to myself, “Ahhh… it’s so quiet… no one’s awake yet except me.”
It was about as close to perfect as you can get. That is, until I came across another woman on the path who was talking on the phone.
She was speaking so loudly that she was almost shouting. I couldn’t understand what she was saying because it was in a different language, but it didn’t matter; her volume would have annoyed me whether or not I could comprehend her words.
My thoughts quickly turned sour and the enchanting, crisp morning vanished almost instantly. I thought, “You gotta be kidding me! She’s breaking the whole magic of this moment!”
Catching myself, I took a deep breath and said, “Okay, Sherri, how can you turn this around to get your morning sparkle back?”
It occurred to me that since the woman was speaking in another language, I had no idea who she was talking to or what she was saying. “Maybe,” I thought, “she’s talking to her mom.”
The thought brought tears to my eyes. I lost my mom three years ago and I would have given anything in that moment to be able to talk to my mom.
With that, my heart completely opened up. “How sweet,” I now thought to myself, “She’s probably talking to her mom.”
I created a story that she was having a great conversation with her mother, who she loved dearly, and it didn’t annoy me anymore. She didn’t change, but I changed.
There’s a beautiful lesson in this experience, lovely one: we don’t have to depend on other people’s behavior to create our happiness. We nurture it lovingly within ourselves.
And the best news is, you are a dynamic, creative and dazzling person – so you have a lot to be happy about.
All you have to do is consciously create a mind shift. Declare an intention that you are willing to see things in a positive way and voila you have opened yourself up to the opportunity of a new empowering idea or thought to light up your mind. Seriously, it happens that quickly – when you open up to it.
Not to mention you will be so much happier when you consciously choose the thoughts that make you feel good! You can do this dear heart!
Would you like some help creating confident thoughts that empower you? Click HERE to set up a time to chat with me or my team – we would love to guide you to your most confident self.
Many of you know visualization is important but you may not have a full understanding of WHY it’s important – basically because the brain thinks in pictures AND the subconscious is sensory based.
Even knowing that though, have you ever had the experience of visualizing, thinking you are doing everything right, only to be disappointed that your heart’s desire has not yet manifested? I certainly have.
Then I came across the key to manifestation and I want to share it with you because I know how frustrating it can be not to get the results you expected. Thoughts like, “This stuff doesn’t work” or, “Why isn’t this working for me?” flooding your mind.
Fortunately there is a formula to get lift off on your desire. It’s simple. There is a way to rocket charge what you crave – bringing it the magic momentum necessary to bring it into existence, pronto!!
I take my clients through a POWERFUL 3-step process called “VAK to the Future” that helps them hook…