Happy New Year Dahhhhling!
We are entering into a new year – a fabulous time to dream, to blossom, to expand, to recommit to living as the Sparkling happy, fun-loving, successful (whatever that means to you) person you were born to be.
Typically this is a time to set resolutions – to make your goals. I’m going to go against the grain and invite you to forget about the ritualistic declaration of resolutions! Instead I challenge you to commit to living on the edge of your comfort zone.
You know why?
Because resolutions are ideals and without a plan it’s easy to get distracted, detoured, and drift. That can set into action some pretty brutal self-talk about not being able to get your act together to make it happen. And that leads to feeling bad about yourself. Not good!
But stepping outside your comfort zone…that involves taking ACTION! And no matter what the outcome, you can be proud of your bravery. That will build your confidence making you feel good about yourself.
And you know what?
Each step will move you closer to your dream. Voila! Pretty cool, right?
This idea of taking bold action is backed by some pretty amazing iconic females like Diane Feinstein who says the key to a happy and fulfilling life involves taking risks and stepping out of your safety zone.
She says that’s when life becomes magical and you are truly living into your genius and greatness.
As inspiring as that sounds you may be saying to yourself, “That seems kinda scary. My life may be a bit boring but routine suits me just fine – sure I may complain a bit but at least I know what to expect and I like being in control…” sound familiar?
In the spirit of this theme I am committed to speaking my truth – even if it’s a little risky -because I want to shake things up for you and nudge you in the direction of your bliss.
So here goes…living a routine life will suck your spirit dry! You’ll be parched, wilted, lifeless, dreamless with about as much energy as a sloth on a hot summer day. It’s time to follow your dreams and drink deeply from the well of the unknown. The excitement of the risk will make you feel vibrant and alive!
Now you might be thinking, “How does one do that?” Truth be told all it takes is an intention to make 2016 the year you live fully, a willingness to be open to new experiences, ready to receive all the good God wants you to have, and a commitment to bring forth consistent courage.
This means reflecting, identifying and overcoming those things that keep you in your rut. Then coming up with new behaviors and structures that are in alignment with who you want to become; the you that embraces life and all it’s opportunities; the you that is determined to look back at your life with no regrets.
Living your BEST year involves a commitment to a way of being. It’s realizing that life is full of choices and that we are each empowered to make choices that bring us the most joy, the most growth and the most fulfillment.
To get you started I want to share 3 powerful and energizing tips I learned about and took action on over the holidays.
Clear clutter – get rid of all the physical stuff you don’t want to bring into 2016 – items that take up space and keep you attached to the past. Get rid of old clothes or trinkets that remind you of unhappy times or unhealthy people. Bag it up and throw it out. Or even better, donate it to a charity. Clearing out the physical stuff that keeps you attached to negative memories will free you from both the physical and emotional baggage. Move it out and move forward sister!
Make a list of all the relationships you want to release and/or set the intention you only want to have joyful and happy relationships. I did this last year and a relationship I let go of healed, and came back, without my spending hours agonizing over it and trying to make it work out. If you are releasing connections, send love to those you are releasing and then let go. To physically symbolize this release, you can burn the list in a safe place like your fireplace. Once you let go energetically and give it up to God, it’s amazing what happens
Identify the emotional things you don’t want to bring into 2016– such as old limiting patterns that don’t serve you anymore like guilt, shame, blame, avoidance, anger, sadness. It might be obligations, or unhealthy habits. I’m giving up the fear of being judged because I realize it stops me from expanding and serving in a bigger way, It keeps me from living into the projects that are meaningful to me.
Doing this exercise will make you feel lighter and as you feel lighter you’ll begin to feel more energized and open. As you feel more energized and open, you’ll begin to feel more confident and as you feel more confident you’ll be more willing to take risks.
Voila! You are now living on the edge of your comfort zone totally empowered to have your best year ever.
Dear loveliness, when your relationship is on rocky ground it can bring about a boatload of anxiety, pain and panic. You may feel frozen or stuck, but believe it or not the upheaval is actually a wonderful invitation for growth – and when you journal, you can accelerate that growth.
If you are willing to see the situation as an opportunity to lean into your feelings and get curious instead of running from your emotions or denying they exist, you’ll gain a new perspective that will help you and your relationship shift.
Your feelings have something to say, so invite them in as though they are… [READ MORE]
Today, I want to tell you the story of one of my incredible clients (we’ll call her Deb for the sake of this article) who transformed her life with the power of “letting go.”
Deb was a successful businesswoman whose husband had an affair. When I met her, she was estranged from her soon-to-be-ex; she explained she had been the one to take care of everything in her marriage, she was the glue in her relationship, and when it fell apart, she had a hard time understanding what had gone wrong and wasn’t sure what to do or where to go.
It was clear Deb had been there for everyone but herself and had buried her passions and lost herself in the process. So focused on her husband and family she couldn’t even remember the last time she tapped into even one of her inner joys. She was leaning so heavily into her masculine “doing” energy her soft feminine side had been eclipsed. Her balance was totally off-kilter and she was suffering the consequences
So, together, Deb and I created a list of things that she used to love to do. She had a blast remembering all the activities that made her feel ALIVE and brought her to life, and pretty soon she was involved in singing groups, camping with friends, quilting circles and feeling enamored with her life!
Deb was so happy because she was taking care of herself.
I gave Deb little assignments, like being willing to accept help when it was offered (basically getting her out of the typical competent woman’s response, “Thanks, but I got it” – can you relate?). After she let the bagger at the grocery store help her to her car one day, Deb said, “It felt so good to allow a man to do something for me!” This began a huge shift for Deb.
Can you guess what happened once Deb was willing to let go of controlling every single aspect of her life?
Not only did her estranged husband come back because he wanted to be around her happy vivacious energy, but she got her life back. Crawling out of her controlling self opened up a world of fun and light heartedness.
Whether or not she chose to take her husband back almost doesn’t even matter because most importantly, she was able to reconnect with who she truly is: a magnificent, joyful and feminine woman.
The same is possible for you, sister, and I’d love to show you how. Click HERE to set up a time to chat and I’ll walk you through the steps.
So you discovered your partner is cheating… the first thing you want to do is get clear on what you want. In this moment, right now, ask yourself, “What would I love? Recognize how you can nurture yourself and take action!
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your passion and purpose, and you’re ready to step into what’s next for you and your life…
This event is something that you DO NOT want to miss – and there’s no charge to attend!
For the full event details and registration, go here now:
I hope to see you there!
Angel, if you’re a woman in America (or any part of the world that reads People Magazine, chances are you’ve heard the news: Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are divorcing because he had an affair with the nanny.
When you read those headlines, does some part of you wonder, “If Jennifer Garner can’t keep a man from cheating, who in the world can!?”
She’s smart, sexy, stunning, and of course – a movie star! So what gives?
This might be especially poignant for you if you’re… [READ MORE]
Has this happened to you? It happened to me, and it’s happened to many of my clients!
After my ex-husband cheated on me, he knocked on my front door 8 months later to see if I was interested in getting back together.
At the time I was surprised, but now I can see what happened. As I rebuilt my life and began moving on – meaning dating and doing the things that made me feel happy and grateful and vibrant, he was attracted to the energy.
He wanted me back.
I chose to say “no”, but there’s nothing wrong with saying “yes” to the right situation.
Some partnerships last years after an infidelity when both parties are interested in repairing the relationship (just look at Bill and Hillary Clinton, who have stayed married almost two decades after a very public and embarrassing infidelity scandal).
If you’re faced with an ex-partner coming back into your life, the best thing you can do for yourself is really trust your gut, be crystal clear on what you want, and stand strong in your truth. Stay committed to staying in integrity with yourself. Here are 3 questions to ask yourself if you’re in this situation:
1. Do I really think we can work things out, or am I just afraid to be on my own? This is where honesty is a must! If you are going to make a go of things you’ll want to come to the table with a clean heart.
2. Does he genuinely seem willing to do what it takes to move through this challenging period? What is he willing to do to make amends and help you feel safe again?
3. Am I willing to work through the emotions of jealousy, betrayal and trust and find forgiveness in my heart? In other words are you willing to heal and let go of some of your old stories and clear cobwebs from the past? Are you willing with time to open your heart again?
This is a very personal decision and each situation is unique. If you decide to take him back don’t think things will magically change on their own. The key is to put some solid new structures in place that will help you and your relationship heal and evolve in a healthy way. Reflect on what went wrong with curiosity and assess what new skill sets, behaviors and/or coaching you will both need to get through this tough time.
Whatever you choose, sweetness, I am here for you. Click HERE to set up a time to speak with me over the phone.
The question for you and your partner is this: do you ultimately want the same thing?
Many, many relationships have survived infidelity. Survival happens when both people are moving in the same direction and willing to view it as a wake up call toward relationship evolution.As a matter of fact, I was just talking to my client, Nikki, yesterday – and she said she was actually happy her husband cheated because it knocked her out of her comfort zone and forced her to grow.
Gaining new perspective and stepping into different, more empowering behaviors she is now light, happy (even giggly) and confident – sharing she feels like she can do anything and all the anxiety is gone.
Her hubby is coming around and making a big effort to get in her good graces again. Not only has he stopped criticizing her and giving her the cold shoulder, he’s happily cuddling up with her on the sofa and she’s planning romantic escapades.
Maybe you, like Nikki, need a different skill set, better communication skills, better boundary setting and self honoring, more practice offering forgiveness, or a better……[READ MORE]
Years ago when I discovered that my husband was cheating on me, I did what a lot of women do: I blamed myself.
Questions ran through my head, like, “What did I do wrong? Am I not smart/attractive or fun enough? How did I lose his attention?” You see, I thought I was doing everything right.
Can you relate to that?
When I got married, I remember thinking, “If someone cheats on me, that’s it. I’m outta there! I’m not putting up with it.”
Well, that went out the window!
When I discovered that he had been cheating, the feeling that washed through me was, “I’m not enough.” If you’ve ever felt that, you know how awful it is.
From the place of not being enough, I felt desperate. I did everything I could to try and save my marriage: I begged, I groveled, I asked him to go to counseling and I even called the other woman to ask her to leave.
But you see, Sparkle Sister, he was just done. For him, the marriage was over, and I couldn’t see it. But I knew from the deepest part of my soul that I had to accept it – as much as I didn’t want to…and move on.
Wherever you are on your journey, the most important thing you can do is honor yourself. It’s hard – I know. Give yourself as much love as you can. Make the phrase “Self-Care” become your new mantra (one of my clients uses this and says it stops her in her tracks when she’s going down the rabbit hole and helps her refocus, bringing her back to her center).
Some other suggestions for loving yourself include:
a. Take a walk on the beach and let the fresh air clear the cobwebs – giving you a new perspective.
b. Have a glass of your favorite wine with a wonderful friend – connecting and sharing gets your oxytocin flowing – this is your “feel good” hormone and brings a feeling of being wrapped in love.
c. Write yourself a love letter and gush about all the ways you are lovable. If you have trouble with this, ask family or a good friend to tell you what they love about you and stay focused on this!
d. Hire a coach and create a new vision for your life, identify and reframe limiting beliefs and/or patterns so that you can move forward with confidence knowing that you have healed and have the tools to attract and create a healthier, more deeply connected loving relationship.
You deserve it, beautiful.
And you also deserve to give yourself the gift of acceptance. If he’s done, take a deep breath, and find a way to move on.
If you need some help with that process, I’m here for you. Click HERE to connect with me personally. I’ve been there, sister, and you’re not alone.
In fact, I was so embarrassed to admit that my marriage had failed and that my husband had cheated on me and had plans to leave that I hid it from my mom until he left. I even dragged my soon-to-be-ex-husband to a Christmas family vacation at Lake Tahoe and made him pretend that we were fine because I felt so mortified to share my shame and “failure” and didn’t want to spoil my family’s holiday.
It’s like I was living in this bubble of, “everything’s okay!” Even though it wasn’t.
When I was finally able to share with my family what had happened, it made it all so real – and although it was a relief to get it out in the open and gain their support, it really sunk in and I felt scared and lost. I had to go through a process of rediscovering myself – because at that point, I didn’t even feel like I knew who I was anymore.
Does that sound at all familiar?
If you are struggling to reconnect with what makes you YOU, here are five things to try:
Lovey, we will always live up to our self-image, whether it’s a strong, secure one or whether it’s a doubtful, frightened one.
But the cool thing is that you can create a new self-image if you want to. And this becomes particularly important when you’re dealing with an infidelity in your partnership – feeling like you are not enough, or that you’ve done something wrong or that you are fundamentally flawed or cursed.
When I found out about my husband’s cheating, I thought, “Okay, Sherri, this is an opportunity for growth. You’ve lost touch with yourself, you aren’t really sure who you are anymore – take this time to discover who you want to be? What are the traits of the woman you want to become? How do you want to show up- not only in your relationship, but in the world?
These are key questions to ask yourself – because if you don’t have a clear idea of who you want to be, how do you know how to move into it?